Don't know what to do

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Don't know what to do

Postby Rachellou » Thu Mar 03, 2016 9:53 pm


It's been a while since I've been on here and I no longer know what to do.

Many people many know that my family have been through so much with the death of my brother in law a few years ago then just under 2 years ago my newphew died ( the son of my brother in law who died ).

My sister who I was very close too no longer sees me. She always has an excuse of being too busy I no longer have access to a car so I can't go to see her not that she would ever be available she seems to have replaced me with her boyfriends sister. It's now gotten too the point that I was finding things out about her through Facebook that I got rid of Facebook, it makes me feel even worse which brings on my Fibromyalgia symptoms that I can't cope, I have gotten to the point that i have thought about self harming.

I haven't as I have been thinking about my other half and my dogs that are my children as I don't have kids. I finally opened up to my other half who says I'm silly for letting my sister bring me down and my mum has told me to see my GP as I always feel angry all the time but I'm not so sure what can be done as I am already on anti-depressants I just don't know what to do
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Re: Don't know what to do

Postby AlisonL » Thu Mar 03, 2016 11:36 pm

I wonder if for her seeing you revives the pain of losing your brother?
Or it is possible that her boyfriend is quite possessive and trying to detach her from her family and old friends.
Or she can't cope with your grief for your brother and nephew on top of her own.
The dreadful thig for you is that you are now mourning the "loss" of your sister on top of your other losses,
Please consider if some of your anger is unresolved mourning for your brother and nephew - it is not uncommon to get stuck on the anger stage - maybe bereavement counselling would be appropriate.
I could fill this lost with sympathy and sorrow for your loss (which I feel sincerely), forgive me if the above suggestions feel a little abrupt - I just want to help.
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Re: Don't know what to do

Postby Rachellou » Fri Mar 04, 2016 8:44 am

Thank you for your reply,

My sister seems to have also abandoned other members of my family too, she spends all her days with his side of the family and whenever she tells me or someone else she's coming around she never turns up and she doesn't ring. I always have to ring her. I feel stressed out worrying about her that I've told my mum I can't be around and hear about my sister at the moment.

I got that stressed last week that there was a family meeting to discuss everything that I ended up shouting and her boyfriend hadn't seen anything like it before come to think of it neither had my sister. Things was agreed that contact by even a phone call would have been enough as I don't live in the same area as my family I live 20 minutes drive away, these phone calls never happened like as said I always rang her.

You're right about needing counselling I think I always thought that counselling was for other people, not me I was always independent and strong but my life hasn't been the same for me.
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Re: Don't know what to do

Postby migrembe » Fri Mar 04, 2016 2:43 pm

My niece died 6 years ago in a car accident, she was 21, her mother, my sister, no longer talks to me. My nephew took his own life 2 years ago, he was 38, a different sister's son, he had health and mental health problems, my sister talks to me only when she must, but i have done nothing wrong to either sister.

Personally I would back off. If you can't stand what's being said on FB then don't read it. Whatever your sister is going through is nothing you have done, it is grief. It is grief that she doesn't think you understand and although you are grieving too, you don't really understand. The more you push the more she will pull away. Let her know you are there for her whenever, forever and then allow yourself to grieve and move forward with your life.

My niece has a memorial garden and sometimes i go there and leave little trinkets, my sister knows It's me, and although I no longer contact her she knows I am where I have always been, here. It's my way of letting her know that I love her and always will.

You can do nothing for your sister, she must do it for herself.
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