Fibro and relationships

All your fibromyalgia experiences, questions and answers.

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Fibro and relationships

Postby Lith » Wed May 18, 2016 8:23 pm


I just signed up to the forum because what with one thing and another my symptoms are worse, I've just got the PIP letter through, I've started a new job, my sleep is worse, and everything seems to be getting on top of me right now.

So my question is this - how do you manage relationships with fibro? How do you feel valuable? As my symptoms have gotten worse, and my mood has dropped, I find myself worrying more and more about how this is effecting my relationships. Mostly my boyfriend, but my friends and colleagues too. It's something I want to talk more about, and I know that can be alienating for people.A bit of a burden. I keep thinking to myself 'they didn't sign up for this, this is too much'. And 'nobody likes a downer'. How do you stop feeling like too much? How do you stop the guilt cycle from kicking in and sending you into depression? Any advice would be really appreciated!

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Re: Fibro and relationships

Postby Sals » Thu May 19, 2016 6:50 am

No happy solutions from me I'm sorry to say: I've shut out all my friends, left work and never contacted any of the people there again, my partner who gave up work to be my carer left me last year, we had been together over 8 years, we hadn't been arguing, we went to bed one night I asked him "what's wrong?" and he told me he wasn't happy any more, the next day he packed and left!!

We got cats and they have lifted me out of the dark, dark path I was heading down. I was self-harming and constantly (this was something I thought only idiots and weak people did!) I found it was addictive, all I could feel was my body letting down and I had to punish it for being so disgusting and pathetic, my body made me very angry and vengeful towards it.

My 3 wonderful cats give me a focus, don't get me wrong I still despise my body, but they are always somewhere near. They make me smile and laugh. I chat to them, read to them but mostly I love them.

This the happiest and most contented I've been in years, I'm listening to my body, finally
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Re: Fibro and relationships

Postby SchroedingersCat » Thu May 19, 2016 8:04 am

I manage mine by being honest and clear with people. If I'm too tired or in pain for something, I say so. I try not to talk about my pain etc unless asked, and save my whinging for Facebook where people can choose to ignore me if it annoys them. I still have an active social life so clearly it's working. As for not sliding into depression, I'm too busy to get depressed. I don't think of myself as disabled or ill, just 'different' to normal people who don't have this illness, and I also don't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I ignore the pacing advice that most people with FM will give you and push myself as hard as I can. I don't use medication and I've had no advice from medics since I last saw a rheumatologist in 2012 for a definite diagnosis - I was working out and pushing myself back then, and she was happy with what I was doing so we left it at that. I regard FM as an alien lifeform trying to take over my body and my life (like the skitter harness in Falling Skies, if anyone's seen that) and as such I constantly battle against what it tries to make me do. I try to remain as positive as possible and am quite determined that I am going to recover from this one day. All of this has the knock on effect that people don't pity me or avoid me, so I have plenty of friends and supportive family/partner, which in turn keeps me upbeat about life. I've been depressed, work related stuff due to being bullied several years ago, and I AIN'T going back to that feeling.

You probably won't find this helpful, my views tend to receive opprobium on here, but you asked, so there you are.

Disclaimer: I have NO other medical conditions other than FM, so what works for me may not work for others who do.
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Re: Fibro and relationships

Postby annamariehope » Mon May 23, 2016 6:35 pm

Well. I'm new to this so don't know how much I can help. Depression is TOUGH. I suffered with it mostly last year when the symptoms started to get worst all of a sudden out of nowhere. First my knee, then my right arm, my right knee, my whole right side, my bladder stopped working, my menstrual cycle stopped working, then the shoulders and my whole body. Whatever could hurt started to hurt and I thought I would loose my mind! !

Thankfully I found a local charity that does free counselling for black and ethnic minority women - the one time ever in my life being black gave me an advantage since I couldn't afford to pay for it ! I had two attend two interviews iews and fill out several forms then wait for about 4 weeks on the waiting list, but then thankfully I began to work with a lovely female counsellor around my age (38) called Zah. I credit her with saving my life as I was truly suicidal by then. I'd stopped working due to pain and was isolating all my friends and family. Zah taught me meditation and mindfulness techniques, we tackled stress management and also dealt with issues from the past that were creeping into the present time and wreaking havoc making pain harder to bear. I'm doing a lot better now emotionally but I still go once a week to the counselling and find it helpful as a tool to keep me balanced and help deal with the fibro issues too.
I also get aromatherapy once a week from the same charity. That too has been lifesaving for me - it opened up a whole world I never knew existed.
I respond VERY well to oils and so have been burning them at home using a burner and tealight candles. I find I respond to them very well; lavender, bergamot & geranium. All of these help to relax and reduce stress plus lavender relieves pain. You may find it useful to begin there.
Hope some of that helps!! xx

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