Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

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Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

Postby paulfoel » Fri Aug 26, 2016 8:59 am

I didnt mean to but I do find it difficult sometimes.

Im sure you're all aware of this no-one can see how bad you are. No excuses but I've been working long hours this week and am really tired. Stupidly I made a comment that it was ok for her she had a day off today so could sleep all day but I had to go to work. (We pay for childminder few days a week so wife can rest).

Shes gone ballistic to say the least!

I guess some of you have had it in your time. I suppose its just frustrating to feel so ill but everyone thinks you're just lazy. I get that why wife is so upset.

Normally I understand. And I do my best to arrange childcare, someone to clean the house. I was just so tired last night and, I suppose, a bit jealous that she had all day at home. Not good from me.

I really dont want her to be upset over this and think I'm like everyone else. Please help.....
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Re: Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

Postby *Lisa* » Fri Aug 26, 2016 9:59 am

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As a Public Moderator & Admin of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia...Lisa
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Re: Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

Postby LindyM66 » Fri Aug 26, 2016 1:46 pm

Hi Paul

You know, we all make mistakes. We're only human. And when we're tired, sometimes things just pop out of our mouths.
It is difficult for people to understand how this sh*t of a condition affects us, as we dont look ill, persay.
I'm sure if you apologise profusely, and explain that you didn't intend to upset her so, she will forgive you.

Much Love
Lindy x
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Re: Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

Postby Perfumeflower » Fri Aug 26, 2016 1:51 pm

Hi Paul,

I can totally relate to your situation. Please don't worry, your wife loves you and we can sometimes say horrible things to our loved ones in the heat of the moment and we obviously don't really mean it. I have done the same as you.

After 7 long years I was recently formally diagnosed with Fibro by a rheumatologist in April of this year after suffering all the symptoms for so many years.(chronic pain and fatigue,depression,anxiety etc etc) Although my husband is very loving,he can sometimes forget what it is like to live with this debilitating condition.He also works full time and has a bad back and I know he gets very tired too! But the chronic pain and fatigue that comes from Fibro is like no other type of general pain and tiredness.

Personally,the only way I can described it as someone has tied huge concrete blocks to my arms and legs and on my middle torso so that I can't move at all. During the night I can suddenly wake up and jump out of bed as the calf muscles in my legs have painfully contracted and tightened. This will last several minutes before I can relax and get back into bed.I have since discovered that this is called a 'Charley Horse'.

I woke up my husband once and he saw me in the darkness standing very still by the side of the bed not daring to move my legs as every-time I try and move the calf muscle tightens up even more. If you have ever seen the movie 'Paranormal Activity 'I look like that actress who stands motionless by the side of the bed in the middle of the night! :yikes:

Since being diagnosed my immediate family have been really loving and understanding. I have two lovely daughters who are angels :hugs: They know how long I have been suffering with all the multitude of symptoms that comes from the Fibro.

However, sadly my mother in law isn't. And although I understand she doesn't really know what the conditions is,I have tried to help her by directing her to some information about it so that she can learn about the various symptoms. Unfortunately, she is more than willing to print me out reams and reams of information about menopause but she won't learn about Fibromyalgia. (I told her that I have already been through the menopause and I am now post menopause).

I love my MIL to bits but I do sometimes feel very alone without her understanding of my condition.When her son is complaining of a bad back (my husband) she can't do enough for him,and yet she has totally disregarded my condition. So I stopped talking to her and I refused to speak with her over the phone because she won't listen to reason. This maybe a bit childish on my part, but I want to :scream-1: :banghead: Sometimes I do just want to :shooting:

As I mentioned above my lovely husband :blowkiss: works full time with a crumbling back and I do try to help him as much as I can even though I am also suffering the debilitation's of Fibro. :(


Laters x

Perfumeflower x
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Re: Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

Postby paulfoel » Fri Aug 26, 2016 2:02 pm

LindyM66 wrote:Hi Paul

You know, we all make mistakes. We're only human. And when we're tired, sometimes things just pop out of our mouths.
It is difficult for people to understand how this sh*t of a condition affects us, as we dont look ill, persay.
I'm sure if you apologise profusely, and explain that you didn't intend to upset her so, she will forgive you.

Much Love
Lindy x


Thanks Lindy. Hope your right.....

I left here a note this morning before I left the house. But she hasnt text me or anything. Dunno whetehr to contact her now to see if shes ok or wait till I get home.

Could be accused of not caring about her by not checking or hassling her when shes still mad :-(
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Re: Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

Postby paulfoel » Fri Aug 26, 2016 2:03 pm

Perfumeflower wrote:Hi Paul,

I can totally relate to your situation. Please don't worry, your wife loves you and we can sometimes say horrible things to our loved ones in the heat of the moment and we obviously don't really mean it. I have done the same as you.

After 7 long years I was recently formally diagnosed with Fibro by a rheumatologist in April of this year after suffering all the symptoms for so many years.(chronic pain and fatigue,depression,anxiety etc etc) Although my husband is very loving,he can sometimes forget what it is like to live with this debilitating condition.He also works full time and has a bad back and I know he gets very tired too! But the chronic pain and fatigue that comes from Fibro is like no other type of general pain and tiredness.

Personally,the only way I can described it as someone has tied huge concrete blocks to my arms and legs and on my middle torso so that I can't move at all. During the night I can suddenly wake up and jump out of bed as the calf muscles in my legs have painfully contracted and tightened. This will last several minutes before I can relax and get back into bed.I have since discovered that this is called a 'Charley Horse'.

I woke up my husband once and he saw me in the darkness standing very still by the side of the bed not daring to move my legs as every-time I try and move the calf muscle tightens up even more. If you have ever seen the movie 'Paranormal Activity 'I look like that actress who stands motionless by the side of the bed in the middle of the night! :yikes:

Since being diagnosed my immediate family have been really loving and understanding. I have two lovely daughters who are angels :hugs: They know how long I have been suffering with all the multitude of symptoms that comes from the Fibro.

However, sadly my mother in law isn't. And although I understand she doesn't really know what the conditions is,I have tried to help her by directing her to some information about it so that she can learn about the various symptoms. Unfortunately, she is more than willing to print me out reams and reams of information about menopause but she won't learn about Fibromyalgia. (I told her that I have already been through the menopause and I am now post menopause).

I love my MIL to bits but I do sometimes feel very alone without her understanding of my condition.When her son is complaining of a bad back (my husband) she can't do enough for him,and yet she has totally disregarded my condition. So I stopped talking to her and I refused to speak with her over the phone because she won't listen to reason. This maybe a bit childish on my part, but I want to :scream-1: :banghead: Sometimes I do just want to :shooting:

As I mentioned above my lovely husband :blowkiss: works full time with a crumbling back and I do try to help him as much as I can even though I am also suffering the debilitation's of Fibro. :(


Laters x

Perfumeflower x


Perfume - I like the icon thingys lol.

Thanks. She was REALLY upset though. :-(

As oer other post, text her now or waiti till I get home?
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Re: Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

Postby Perfumeflower » Fri Aug 26, 2016 2:20 pm

Perfume - I like the icon thingys lol.

Thanks. She was REALLY upset though. :-(

As oer other post, text her now or waiti till I get home?


Hi Paul :-) (Incidentally my husband is also called Paul!)

I would try and text her now - say that you are very sorry and that you love her so much.

Ask her if you can both talk when you come home from work? See if this helps! (Maybe offer to cook something nice this evening for both of you or your family)

Try something nice to break the ice... :-)


Laters x

Perfumeflower x
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Re: Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

Postby paulfoel » Fri Aug 26, 2016 2:40 pm

Even though I left the note? the fact that shes not replied Im taking as to mean leave me alone for now...
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Re: Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

Postby Perfumeflower » Fri Aug 26, 2016 2:45 pm

LindyM66 wrote:Hi Paul

You know, we all make mistakes. We're only human. And when we're tired, sometimes things just pop out of our mouths.
It is difficult for people to understand how this sh*t of a condition affects us, as we dont look ill, persay.
I'm sure if you apologise profusely, and explain that you didn't intend to upset her so, she will forgive you.

Much Love
Lindy x


Hi Lindy :-)

I totally agree-I couldn't of said better myself...Fibro sufferers don't LOOK ill,but FEEL ill..different kettle of fish altogether! :nono:


Laters x


Perfumeflower x
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Re: Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

Postby paulfoel » Fri Aug 26, 2016 3:26 pm

paulfoel wrote:Even though I left the note? the fact that shes not replied Im taking as to mean leave me alone for now...


Well I text her no reply :-(

Not good sign
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Re: Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

Postby Perfumeflower » Fri Aug 26, 2016 3:54 pm

paulfoel wrote:
paulfoel wrote:Even though I left the note? the fact that shes not replied Im taking as to mean leave me alone for now...


Well I text her no reply :-(

Not good sign


Hi Paul

I am very sorry to hear that.

Another poster has just made a comment about this awful heat and humidity which makes the Fibro symptoms worse. Which brings me to think hence why your wife just wants to sleep or catch up on her sleep if she hasn't been sleeping properly. Your wife sounds like she is absolutely exhausted in this heat and her Fibro is unbearable. (But I appreciate that non Fibro sufferers suffer too in this heat!) She is probably very irritated in this heat.( I know I am! :crazy: )

Fibro sufferers don't sleep normally at night anyway so it is just a case of trying to grab some sleep when we can. But it is equally more difficult in this heat because you are constantly in pain and tossing and turning half the night (or day!)trying to get a comfortable position. You have no energy either as that has been completely sucked out of you too!.Never mind looking after the house and the children!

I really don't know what else I can say to help make things better.

Can you ask to go home a little bit early given the circumstances? say your wife is very unwell and you have been concerned about her all day? Your boss should understand...


Laters x


Perfumeflower x
Last edited by Perfumeflower on Fri Aug 26, 2016 4:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

Postby paulfoel » Fri Aug 26, 2016 3:57 pm

Perfumeflower wrote:
paulfoel wrote:
paulfoel wrote:Even though I left the note? the fact that shes not replied Im taking as to mean leave me alone for now...


Well I text her no reply :-(

Not good sign


Hi Paul

I am very sorry to hear that.

Another poster has just made a comment about this awful heat and humidity which makes the Fibro symptoms worse. Which brings me to think hence why your wife just wants to sleep or catch up on her sleep if she hasn't been sleeping properly. Your wife sounds like she is absolutely exhausted in this heat and her Fibro is unbearable. (But I appreciate that non Fibro sufferers suffer too!) She is probably very irritated in this heat.( I know I am! :crazy: )

Fibro sufferers don't sleep normally at night anyway so it is just a case of trying to grab some sleep when we can. But it is equally more difficult in this heat because you are constantly in pain and tossing and turning half the night (or day!)trying to get a comfortable position. You have no energy either as that has been completely sucked out of you too!.Never mind looking after the house and the children!

I really don't know what else I can say to help make things better.

Can you ask to go home a little bit early given the circumstances? say your wife is very unwell and you have been concerned about her all day? Your boss should understand...


Laters x


Perfumeflower x


Thanks Perfume. Im off shortly. 4pm is early for me to leave but I still wont get home until just before 6. Maybe I'll buy her some flowers too.
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Re: Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

Postby LindyM66 » Fri Aug 26, 2016 4:17 pm

From your post, you sound as if you're doing alot to help your wife, and makijg sure support is in place. Plus, you're working hard too! And you get tired too Paul.
Fibro really is a brute, however, we still have to be mindful that it doesn't give us carte blanche to have a hissy fit towards others.
Maybe she's just having a bad day-which I can relate to. You made a mistake and have apologised. If she goes in the huff - then I would leave her to come out of it.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, I dont mean it to.

Hope everything goes ok.

Much Love
Lindy x
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Re: Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

Postby Perfumeflower » Fri Aug 26, 2016 4:26 pm

paulfoel wrote:

Thanks Perfume. Im off shortly. 4pm is early for me to leave but I still wont get home until just before 6. Maybe I'll buy her some flowers too.


Hi Paul,

I hope things will be OK when you get home!



Laters x


Perfumeflower x
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Re: Help I've upset my wife (who has Fibro) - URGENT!

Postby Butterfly8588 » Fri Aug 26, 2016 10:53 pm

Hi Paul,
I'm very sorry to hear about your troubles with your wife, I hope you have sorted things out now?
I have to admit that i both admire and have huge sympathy for the partners of a fibro sufferer. Although we may go through the actual physical symptoms, it is our partners and our families and our friends who go through the real torture because they are expected to watch the person they love go through unimaginable pain and truly awful symptoms knowing they can do nothing to ease it. They also have to try to carry on whilst carrying the weight of this usually without any recognition because all the sympathy is on the person with fibro. It's no wonder you snap sometimes. My boyfriend is the most loving and caring man in the world and yet he still snaps. Yes at the time it really really hurts and you feel like that person doesn't understand after all but when you really think about it, is it any surprise?
Please don't beat yourself up about what you've said, your wife will forgive you and things will go back to normal (or as normal as life can be with fibro). Do you have any external parties who can help support you emotionally? Does your wife need a carer? Help from social services to make things easier? You don't have to answer any of these questions on here if you don't want to, they're more to provoke thoughts then gather information.
Anyway i hope you are feeling better about what happened and i hope your wife is having a good day pain-wise.

Gentle hugs to you both xx
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