Feeling guilty

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Feeling guilty

Postby Julia2960 » Fri Oct 28, 2016 9:47 pm

I have 3 dogs,up to six months ago I have always made sure they get walked,i haven't been out with them for 6 weeks,the pain was just too great to carry on,it was taking ages to prepare for a walk,i had to put on my wrist supports on,knee pads,and a strong belt to clip all the leads to,on my last walk,my largest dog managed to pull me to the ground,she is very protective and reacts to dogs barking at her,it tried to avoid dogs passing but I couldn't avoid the situation,I just laid on the floor what seemed for ages,then I couldn't get to my feet,it was quite late at night,as I usually wait till its dark to avoid this very situation,the thing is it has really put me off,i don't have any family or friends who can help with them,and my hubby works nights and long hours,and not very supportive to my condition,i feel so guilty, and I know this stress is adding to my pains,i can't even think of finding them new homes,i love them like I would love my kids,does anyone else find themselves in this situation?I would love to hear how to cope.
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Re: Feeling guilty

Postby Butterfly8588 » Sat Oct 29, 2016 12:25 am

Hi Julia,

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles with your fibro and your dogs, it must have been awful for you to be pulled over like that and stuck on the floor. I can understand why you are frightened! I adore dogs and can understand where you're coming from. I would probably feel guilty to, even though you really shouldn't because it's not your fault. Have you had fibro for very long? Why is your husband not supportive if you don't mind me asking?
As for your gorgeous dogs, will your husband walk them for you during the day before work? I assume you've asked him? Otherwise how about looking for a local dog walking company? I obviously don't know your finances and so don't know if this is an option for you. If it helps at all, a vet once told me that a walk isnt a necessary thing for a dog as long as they have a garden they can run around in. Maybe not ideal, but certainly not cruel.
I hope you feel better soon.

Gentle hugs xx
I'm the ghost of a girl that I want to be most, I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.
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Re: Feeling guilty

Postby Julia2960 » Sat Oct 29, 2016 9:35 am

I have had fibro probably about 6 months only I was diagnosed recently,my hubby works nights,12 hour shifts,he will walk the biggest dog once in a blue moon,he says he's tired when I ask for help,and what hurts the most is ,he will say "you wanted the dogs"
My finaces are dire,so paying someone at the moment is looking bleak,in 2010 I worked as a animal wardens it was a job I loved ,i had a accident at work and has a result damaged my 4th and fifth disc leading to spondylitis of the spine,i tried to claim benefits,but I was told I wasn't entitled because my spouse worked,so now I am not only struggling with pain but I have lost my indepence financially, i don't have friends,and no family to speak of,my mum is 86 years old and struggling with arthritis and bad health,I' love my hubby dearly,we have been married 40 years,but he doesn't understand how much pain I'm in,and if it wasn't for my dogs I think I would end it all tomorrow, i can't see a way out,my whole body hurts with pain,even being touched hurts my skin,I'm trying to be positive,I'm hate this fibro,I'm wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
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Re: Feeling guilty

Postby Butterfly8588 » Sat Oct 29, 2016 11:25 am

Oh Julia, I feel for you I really do.
You're older then me so please don't think I'm patronising you when I say that you haven't had this very long and when you first start on this road it seems impossible to even imagine how you can live with fibro. I'm not going to lie and say the pain stops cos for most it doesnt, but somehow you learn to function even with the pain being there. Your pain threshold goes up as well. It's not easy but this is what I've found anyway. I have bad times and I have good times but I am in a much better position then I was 7 years ago when I first got it.
Please don't do anything to harm yourself, if you are feeling like that then please speak to your doctor. As for your husband, unfortunately some people just don't understand what we go through because we look fine. It sounds to me like tiredness is the main problem for him, is there any way he can take less hours/find a different job in order to be able to support you better? You don't have to answer that on a public forum, I'm just throwing ideas at you.
As for benefits, I could be wrong but I don't think PIP is means tested is it? it might be worth looking in to if you are entitled to that at the least.
What medication are you taking for the pain? is your dr supportive?

Gentle hugs xx
I'm the ghost of a girl that I want to be most, I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.
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Re: Feeling guilty

Postby Julia2960 » Sat Oct 29, 2016 2:13 pm

It's not really possible for hubby to do less hours,we moved house 3 years ago,because of bad neighbours, we have only lived at this house 3 years,and hubby needs to do a lot of hours to pay for the mortgage, i always thought I could go back to work to contribute,but it hasn't worked out that way,has for for my medications I take co-codomol 4 times a day,indometacin 3 times a day,lyrica twice a day,amitriptyline at night,and omeprazole to protect my stomach,i tell my doctor how I feel,he just sympathises with me and says ,we will get you sorted,i don't emphatise my thoughts incase he stops my medication,but the last 3 visits I have been tearful,i can't even do the smallest of things like,opening a door,peeling veg,walking up stairs,standing ing up from a seated position, even holding a book sends burning pain through my wrists,and lots more besides, as a fibro suffeer you probably know,once I'm asleep I'm okay so I rest okay,but as soon as I awake,bang it's there again,I struggle to even get myself out of bed,do you think I could be entitled to pip.?at least I could buy things to make my life easier without feeling a burden on my hubby,he pays for my yearly prescription for my Meds, i feel guilty about this too,harming myself is not a option,as long as my dogs need me,so don't worry,Thankyou for your replys it makes a difference even writing about it.
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Re: Feeling guilty

Postby Butterfly8588 » Sat Oct 29, 2016 3:49 pm

I know exactly what you mean about talking about it to someone, it really helps to know that you're not on your own sometimes and someone understands what you're going through. People on this forum are very nice and always listen if you need to talk to someone.
Can your dr refer you to a rheumatologist or a pain management team? They might be able to offer you all kinds of things to help. I went to a pain management specialist and was offered acupuncture and they sent me on a course and put me in touch with a psychologist. It didn't personally help me but it doesnt mean it wont help you.
As for PIP, i genuinely don't know if you will be entitled to it, i know there's an age limit (I'm not sure what it is though) so if you're going to look then please do it ASAP. I know you said you'd been married 40 years which is why I'm saying about it. By the sounds of your symptoms, you certainly deserve it.
Can you contact your local social services and ask for help? They can do things like offer you a grant for adaptions in your home to make life easier for you. An occupational therapist will come round and ask you how you struggle etc and offer you support and advice on how they can help. They can also point you in the direction of charities who can offer you support as well. There's a long waiting list usually so the sooner you get in touch, the sooner you can get help. This also comes up in the PIP form about adaptions and help you need etc.
I can't hold a book anymore and had to switch to reading on my tablet. The kindle reading app allows me to put white writing on a black background which i find easier to read. It also allows me to increase the font which is great. Could something like this help you?
I really hope you find some of this useful and I'm not just wearing out your eyes with waffle.

Gentle hugs xx
I'm the ghost of a girl that I want to be most, I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well.
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Re: Feeling guilty

Postby Julia2960 » Sat Oct 29, 2016 7:32 pm

I have seen the rheumatologist he did some tests,said I had sticky blood and referred me to the vascular surgeon,and said he would see me in 4 months time,it's my local doctor that's provided my Meds, i also have been to the pain management clinic,they injected my knees,and although it took the stinging pain out,they are still swollen and stiff,I will try what you suggested, thanks for your help,I will tsunami not waffle,I will tests useful info, :-x
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Re: Feeling guilty

Postby scaboo » Sun Oct 30, 2016 12:22 am

I know this is a horrible disability/illness on the financial front could you not put in a claim contributory ESA as you said you had previously worked because if you paid NI contributions you should be entitled . If you have paid NI make a claim. did you pay into a pension maybe you could see if you could claim early.PIP you must put a claim in that is nothing to do with your husbands employment the form is daunting but don't be put off do it as you at your worse and get as much evidence to send in with form ie hospital letters ,a drs letter , medication lists anything that you have that's to do with your condition ( same for ESA claim too you can send photo copies)I don't know your age but once you are 65 and over you can claim attendance allowance instead of PIP.
If you are getting down go and talk to your doctor as illnesss causes depression and especially with having to leave your job it can be very overwhelming & you can feel isolated , ask about referral to pain clinic . I do understand how you feel .
I hope this info helps & I wouldn't say it gets easier we just learn to accept what we can and cannot do and that nobody is to blame but that takes a long time
Take care sharon
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Re: Feeling guilty

Postby Julia2960 » Sun Oct 30, 2016 9:51 am

Thanks Sharon for your kindness and information,it's good to talk to someone who isn't judgemental,i don't think people who haven't got this condition can understand what it's like,I probably will post many things in this forum now I've found that I'm not alone,thanks again, julie.oh by the way my age is 56
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Re: Feeling guilty

Postby galio » Tue Nov 01, 2016 12:40 pm

argh just lost my whole post!!!

if you have paid NI contributions you may well be entitled to ESA contribution based phone the benifits people and ask about that type, PIP is daunting but worth trying , see if there is a citizens advice benifits advisor that can help or a local disability support charity that can help, and if they turn you down appeal it,( i was convinced i would get nothing but on appeal got standard rate mobility )the CAB or who ever you get to help you can also help with your appeal.. if you do apply ask for a home visit if they send out an appointment to go for assessment phone and say you need a home visit as you cant leave the house on any given day, fill it all in as if its a worst day also answer questions as worst day and play down any good (haha whats one of them) days. letters of support from gp specialist etc are helpful. as for your dogs im wondering if a charity may be able to arrange a dog walker for you, there are ones that can arrange fostering and things like walkers to help disabled people keep their pets at home too.
good luck with what ever you try, Im in a similar position at 54 having to come to terms with not being able to work and contribute to the mortgage and household bills the way i did but i have a very supportive husband, if it wasnt for him coming in from work and cooking and spending days off cleaning i woulndt have been able to continue working the last 3 years (i say 3 but have been off for extended periods each of those years usually 4/5 months at a time)
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