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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - Hostage



Hostage

Moderators: perseus, *Lisa*, FluppyPuffy

Hostage

Postby angelstar59 » Wed Jun 22, 2011 4:35 pm

Hostage

Everyday on the news, somewhere in the world, some person or persons, are being held

against their will, for the demands of some political or religious sect, by over zealous men

in arms that rant and rave about their cause.

I am a hostage too.

In the same way as those unfortunate people who are taken away from their normal

existence to for-fill the demands of these terrorists, political extremists or religious nut

jobs.

I too have been extricated from my life that was.

Twenty four seven, three hundred and sixty five days a year, my own extremist, makes

daily demands on me.

I am hostage to my own body and mind.

For twenty five years I had an above average, healthy life. I was a gymnast, an athlete,

and a swimmer. I did extreme sports such as potholing, climbing, sailing, surfing,

canoeing, and hill walking.

I enjoyed life to its utmost.

I married, had a family, ran a business and eventually worked full-time .

I considered my self blessed.

I was not an accident I had.

It was not an illness I suddenly caught.

I was born with this.

My terrorist hid in my cells, in my DNA, waiting to strike when the time was right.

It does not matter what my illness, condition or syndrome is. That is, not to anyone

other my family and myself.

Okay, it matters to my general practitioner and specialist doctors, although sometimes I

think they aide and abet the terrorist which is my body.

I am trying to highlight to those who are blessed in having a healthy body, mind and

spirit, that there are those of us - and we are many - through no fault of our own, daily

battle and rage against the machine of forced imprisonment, after all, no one in their

right mind would willingly choose to be a hostage, would they?

My body and mind may be kept under lock and key, but not my spirit. There is no cage

big enough to tame or lame that! I still have free will. I can choose whether to give in to

the terrorist dictator or stand and fight. Learn to help myself to alleviate symptoms and

situation.

The dictator which is my debilitating, non-life threatening lack of health, daily demands a

ransom either by locking me away from others and subjugating me to painful tortures or

by filling my body and suppressing my mind with drugs.

Lots of drugs, pills, potions, creams, gels, patches, injections and invasive, intravenous

remedies.

Yes, there are those who willingly fill their bodies with drugs of all kinds. Prescription,

home-grown organic, or chemically produced and mixed together for them to sniff, snort,

smoke and inject. They chuck it into their bodies with no consideration to the damaging

effects once the initial euphoria has passed.

My dictator demands daily drugs.

Drugs for pain.

Drugs for the side effects of the drug taken for pain.

Drugs for depression for being in such debilitating pain.

Drugs for tension, stress and anxiety.

Drugs for headaches, nausea,blood pressure, water retention, palpitations, high pulse

rate, inflammation, diarrhoea, constipation, and on and on and on.

No remission, no regard, no respect or rescue.

Are the doctors, specialists,drug companies, and chemists in league for profit and greed,

with the dictating scum bag which is my own body?

In hostage situations it has been acknowledged that the captive often develops a

dependant relationship with their captor.

I am dependant on the drugs.

I am dependant on my drug supplier, my ‘health’ specialists.

I am dependant on all those who develop these and new wonder drugs.

I cannot imagine a day now, without the ritual of drug taking, counting out my pills,

measuring the potions, applying the lotions and pain patches. Organising my pill box, my

with my supplier, my counsellor and dictator. My friend and enemy.They help me come

to ‘terms’ with my situation.

Daily ransoms are issued. Negotiations take place, with or without my co-operation or

consent. Drugs are delivered, and it begins again.

I am told to ‘suck it up’, ‘stop whining’, ‘develop a backbone.’ " It's all in your head!"

I have learnt to meditate, to be mindful, to mellow out, and breath………….

Breathe deeply.

Until the time I am to be released.

After all, it’s only lack of oxygen, in the end, that kills you.

Author ; Stephanie Fletcher © 29/05/2010

The above and other short stories, poetry, etc, can be found on my website, http://www.stephanie-fletcher.co.uk
I would love some feedback! :fingerscrossed:
www.stephanie-fletcher.co.uk
HMS/FM/CFS, TMJ,MIGRAINE,IBS,and a lot of annoying co-morbid conditions, especially hate of cold wet weather!
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Re: Hostage

Postby cherryblossom » Wed Jun 22, 2011 8:41 pm

Brilliant and very descriptive, gives you a real 'feel' for everything we go thru. My ds agrees with you - he saya it's only your last breath you die of in the end, nothing else. So cheerful is he!! lol! Anyway, keep it up, it's great! Cherry :clap: :hugs:
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Re: Hostage

Postby pixiecat » Thu Jun 23, 2011 12:45 pm

Hi Angelstar59

Wow how right you are in the way it affects us and how we feel because its true we are prisoners in our own boundarys

:welldone: :flowers:

Lorraine
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Re: Hostage

Postby KellyBelly » Thu Jun 23, 2011 1:04 pm

I'm sorry to say this piece of prose upset me, angered me and disappointed me. It also makes me think how lucky you have been.

Not sure if those were feelings you were trying to infer - but that's what I felt after reading your words. :(


I do not think we can be compared to hostages. Sure this debilitating disorder is something we didn't ask for, but if we let it take us over then it will.

The words in your poem share that you have a family, have had a career, a business, a life where you were able to try many of this worlds challenges. Your words also show that you are now in a position where you can no longer do these things (which I am truly sorry for). Well, I believe you should count yourself so very lucky that this illness hit you after you were able to try "all the 'normal' experiences life throws at you" (taken from your website). There are some of us who have been hit with all this at a much younger age and your poem implies that as the condition gets worse, we won't have these "normal experiences".

I started today in pain and sad, but I must say I am now feeling even bleaker about my future.
Last edited by KellyBelly on Thu Jun 23, 2011 4:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Hostage

Postby loubie » Thu Jun 23, 2011 1:44 pm

hi kelly :wave:

i would not describe myself as a Hostage ether, yes we are trapped in a body full of pain
but we are still free to make our own choices.

you do still have all your life in front of you but it will be more difficult for you
than a normal person.
please don't let this post upset you, its just another persons take on things.

chin up, smile on and on we go, as we do every day :hugs:
loubie xx

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Re: Hostage

Postby KellyBelly » Thu Jun 23, 2011 4:42 pm

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Re: Hostage

Postby juliem » Thu Jun 23, 2011 5:24 pm

I found the opening post offensive/odd too. To liken yourself to those held by violent extremists is something I cannot understand. You do still have free will. Freedom to decide what meds you do and don't take, freedom to stay in bed if that is what you need, freedom to see friends and family.

I'm sure you meant no harm but hostages have none of this. It just isn't comparable. A hostage to Fibro? Yes as any is to whatever illness they have from the flu, cancer, heart disease etc.

The post shocked me and to be honest embarrased me a little. I have realatives diagnosed with cancer and waiting to hear there current prognosis. Fibro is awful. Yes it has riuned my life, or should I say it ruined the life i had. I deal with it. i have good days, rubbish days and days I think "what the hell is the point?" But to liken myself to someone forciblly taken and kept in fear and hopelessness? I have no violence from anyone. My symptoms can be violent but they are not Human Beings knowingly repressing me and treating me as nothing.

Sorry to be so forthright. Normally I would not comment negatively but this post I find truely awful.
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Re: Hostage

Postby KellyBelly » Thu Jun 23, 2011 5:35 pm

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Re: Hostage

Postby denys » Thu Jun 23, 2011 6:20 pm

OK thats two people who find this post offensive, if anymore do I will take it down. we try to find as much positivity as we can as can be seen in the positive and fun board. Dont stay off the site kellybelly come on and join in the fun part.

This site is here to offer support and a lot of people are feeling really low especially after diagnosis, or when flaring. We try to cheer them up help them see they aren't alone and offer up things that have helped us in the past.

Kellybelly you talk about the post were people were asked for their positve experiences with fibro, lots of us said how we had had to mourn the life we had and move forward on a different path, sometimes that led to us trying things that perhaps we wouldnt have tried before but a lot of members havent reached that place yet :dunno: :dunno: :dunno: :dunno: :dunno: therefore they havent found anything positive yet

Positivity helps enormously but we have to reach a point were we can actually feel positive about life etc.
Denys

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Re: Hostage

Postby juliem » Thu Jun 23, 2011 7:25 pm

Denys please do not think of removing it. Yes I find it abhorrent but i am one person. I really try and keep as positive as poss. The post really hit a nerve. Like you say we all deal differently and I would never want my view to prevent someonelse's free speech. I find it odd, but that is how she feels.

I probalbly should have termed it .... I find it quite offensive rather than i am offended by it.
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Re: Hostage

Postby pixiecat » Thu Jun 23, 2011 9:29 pm

When I read this and posted that I liked the poem, and now read how others have found the hostage point being the wrong term, I can see what they mean as with this illness you cant compare it to a "real hostage situation" but this illness does put boundarys on your life, and you have to change from before fibro to with fibro, and I suppose I saw past the comparisons and just took the rest of what was put, the fact we have to change our lives but by no means are truely restricted in anything, my Mum was housebound with cronic emphasimia (spelling gone :crazy: ) and another 5/6 problems and never truely complained but felt she was lucky to have a loving husband and children, and always had a smile for you. Her cheery outlook with all her illnesses gave me a positive take on life, because as everyone says you only have one so make the most of it.
Smile .... it is contagious :) :) :D
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Re: Hostage

Postby angelstar59 » Fri Jun 24, 2011 7:27 pm

I am so sorry to all members who read my piece and found it abhorrent to compare 'my' life to that of a hostage. It was written as prose to explain how I felt before and just after I was diagnosed.(2009)
I have had undiagnosed FM which was called 'hypochondria' since I was 14,( I had glandular fever.) and finally got a diagnosis of FM in 2009, after it impacted on my life so much that I felt I had lost everything.
I appreciate you think I am 'lucky' because I had all the 'normal' life experiences but that is because I pushed myself hard and would not give into its impact on my life. For over 42 years I have lived with a diagnosis of an 'undiagnosed neurological condition', on top of what is my main condition, Hyper-mobility syndrome. (EDS type III)
I feel I have a moderate case of FM and I am managing it well, but when it flares I am bed/house bound because of my poor mobility,
This piece is negative because that's how I felt when I wrote it.
I was raped violently in April 2008 in my own home, and I wrote this some time afterwards and I did feel, as I said, a hostage to my own mind and body, and that is the comparison I was making, purely an analogy to explain 'my' feelings about 'my' illness, how at it's worse, it robs you of the kind of life you had or expect to have in the days before a diagnosis.
Hostage is a noun, and the dictionary tells me it means captive: a prisoner kept by someone who wants something, or a person or group of people whose freedom of action is restricted or controlled by a more powerful organization by implied threats or other means. I did not intend for it to be understood so literally and not to be an analogy for just FM. It was meant to be an analogy to describe many life debilitating illnesses and having lost two close relatives to Cancer, I know they would of agreed.
If I had used the word captive or prisoner, would that of been better? I am sorry I offended and feedback is what I asked for.
As my post has caused such a bad response, I ask for it to be taken down. I am very embarrassed and disappointed but it won't stop me writing as I am old enough and wise enough to appreciate we are not all of the same view but I shall learn from this experience.

Again, my sincere apologies to those who found it offensive.
Stephanie. :oops: :cry: :? :!:
www.stephanie-fletcher.co.uk
HMS/FM/CFS, TMJ,MIGRAINE,IBS,and a lot of annoying co-morbid conditions, especially hate of cold wet weather!
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Re: Hostage

Postby FluppyPuffy » Fri Jun 24, 2011 7:40 pm

If you definitely want the post taking down Stephanie, then I'll do it for you. A lot of what you wrote, esp in your follow-up post, I can fully relate to as very similar things have happened to me.

With writing, just as with art and music, it is subjective, and can interpreted in different ways by different people, which brings with it all sorts of thoughts and comments.

It's good to hear that what has been said won't put you off writing, I know it can be therapeutic and cathartic :wave: :wave:


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Re: Hostage

Postby tonydin » Fri Jun 24, 2011 9:46 pm

steph your a writer and a poet . and the peice was written for what it is, i think because it came out of the blue some people did not understand it and used it to relate to thier own situation , which of course it was never ment to , but even the ones it upset were quite happy to let it stand,
as i said it is what it is and acutaly quite good
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Re: Hostage

Postby loubie » Fri Jun 24, 2011 10:48 pm

hi steph :wave:
it was the word Hostage that i found strange, and i think so did the others.
its not a word i would ever think of to describe my fibro.

now you have told us the story behind the words, i can see why hostage fits perfectly
and i thank you for sharing that very private information with us.
now we can all read again and understand.

i would like it to stay up steph so others can see that even though you went through
all that you did, you are still fighting on.
loubie xx

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