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I wrote this after my Dad died :-(

PostPosted: Tue May 20, 2014 4:31 pm
by TNK*
It is 5 years ago today that I lost my Dad, which is also I imagine the catalyst to my Fibro now.

Looking back over the decades I think ive had ongrowing symptoms since I was a teen, but losing my Dad was huge and I wrote this a few months after he died, it took me a couple of months to finish it and get it right, but it really explains how and what I was feeling at the time.

Hope you like it :-

Poem For Dad

My life is a walk on a beach through the sand,
with ups and downs, good and bad, nothing too grand,
each step I take is a moment in time,
each pebble or shell, a memory of mine.

I look back to see footsteps ive taken,
a pathway thats not straight or smooth,
I don't mind though,
I have created my very own groove.

With heartache and sadness as obsticles along the way,
This journey has been mine,
I doubt I would change a single day.

As I stroll, in my arms I hold firmly a box with a lid,
Ive had it as long as I remember,
forever with me, not wanting to get rid.

The box appears nothing special,
no colours or patterns to see,
but this box holds my life and my memories,
its the most precious thing to me.

Every now and then I stop to see what the tide has left behind,
I tread carefully along the shore, its amazing what I can find,
some wonderful objects a second glance I cannot resist,
some I peer at briefly, others are hidden and missed.

Occasionally I will come across the most beautiful trinket or gem,
they shine and sparkle so special, it is impossible to ignore them,
these jewels are the most happy times I hold forever in my heart,
I gather these quickly, for me to keep,
I want never to be apart.

In the box with a lid my collection grows,
What they all mean to me, nobody knows,
simple things, pebbles or twig, bits of rock, broken shells and sand,
others are a little more precious, easily spotted as if they were planned.

Walking happily along the sand with water lapping at my toes,
suddenly the waves become stronger, as I am dealt one of lifes cruelest blows,
my box with its contents go flying I can see my life all around,
I am frightened and helpless as I stumble and fall to the ground.

Carefully and alone I try to stand with heartache and despair,
around my feet and further away my life feels broken,
how can this be fair?

How can I get it all back,
I dont know where to start,
it all seems so out of reach,
As I stand here on this now cold and lonely beach.

This is what happened when you left Dad, to be with Mum, your Wife,
I am a mess, I can barely function,
my normal day to day life.

Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I have ever needed to do,
I miss you so much it scares me,
I needed more time with you.

I am trying to find some sort of order,
I need my life back together,
my box did not break,
I stagger around searching for my lost treasure.

Slowly and painfully piece by piece,
I find the memories I hold so dear,
they are placed in the box, and right at the top are the ones with you,
I need to keep them near.

All are together safely,
the thought of losing them makes me weep,
this box is all I have now,
for the memories of you I need to keep.

Keeping memories safe at this moment,
is by no means an easy fete,
But something is wrong, not quite right,
the box is not complete.

The lid is not here,
it is gone from from my sight,
worried, upset I go searching,
all through the days and night.

The lid is as important as what is held inside,
all those beautiful objects that I collected with pride,
a lid needs to be strong and equally secure,
to protect the contents, just as before.

This much needed thing I cannot seem to find,
so upset and worried I am going out of my mind,
is it lost, gone forever, where can it be?

Oh wait!

I understand, but how can it be?

now you are gone,

the lid is now me!

Re: I wrote this after my Dad died :-(

PostPosted: Tue May 20, 2014 5:29 pm
by denys
Lovely :-D

Re: I wrote this after my Dad died :-(

PostPosted: Tue May 20, 2014 6:16 pm
by whoami
Xx Peace to your Heart!

Sometimes the writing of words helps with the grieving.

Re: I wrote this after my Dad died :-(

PostPosted: Tue May 20, 2014 9:17 pm
by TNK*
Thankyou guys for your comments,

it was a very theraputic experience writing this...i dont know why i felt the need to write a poem, i never had before and never have since, I sometimes i think i will give it a go, but there has not been anything to move me enough to put pen to paper, or fingers to keys!

This is exactly how i felt when i lost my dad,m just like something had tripped me up and all my life had been thrown all over and slowly i was picking up the pieces.

Re: I wrote this after my Dad died :-(

PostPosted: Thu Jan 29, 2015 2:40 am
by TNK*
This feels a bit more poignant today as it would have been Mums birthday xx