HOW CAN I HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND - JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED

Introduce yourself and find fellow sufferers in your area or who share the same interests.

Moderators: perseus, *Lisa*, FluppyPuffy

HOW CAN I HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND - JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED

Postby mel42 » Sat Aug 13, 2011 2:16 pm

HI :wave:
MY NAME IS MEL I LIVE IN HONITON IN DEVON AND IVE JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH FIBRO. I THINK IVE HAD IT FOR 2 YEARS NOW AFTER HAVING AN OVARY REMOVED. WORST SYMPTOMS BEGAN IN APRIL THIS YEAR WHICH IS WHY IS WENT TO THE DOCS. IT WAS AT 1AM ON APRIL 3RD THAT I WOKE, AS NORMAL, WITH RESTLESS LEGS BUT HAD AN OVERWHELMING FEELING OF TIREDNESS AND JUST NOT FEELING RIGHT. I REMEMBER SAYING TO MYSELF 'WHAT THE HELL IS THIS'. I WOKE UP NEXT MORNING FEELING THE SAME, VERY STRANGE, ACHY, TIRED ETC. THESE FEELINGS THEN NEVER WENT AWAY. I HAVE CONSTANT PAIN IN MY LEGS, ARMS, SHOULDERS, NECK, HEAD, HANDS, FEET , WELL JUST ABOUT EVERYWHERE REALLY!!!! AT FIRST I COULDNT SLEEP BUT NOW I TAKE AMITRIPTILINE WHICH HELPS WITH THAT.

MY WORST TIME IS DURING OVULATION WHEN I FIND IT REALLY HARD TO MOVE AND THE PAIN IS OVERWHELMING :cry:
I WAS ALSO DIAGNOSED WITH ENDOMETRIOUSIS WHEN I HAD MY OVARY REMOVED SO THE 2 THINGS TOGETHER CRIPPLE ME DURING OUR MONTHLY TROUBLES!!!!

MY SISTER, MY NIECE AND 2 NEPHEWS HAVE M.E. SO WE HAVE QUITE A GOOD UNDERSTANDING WITHIN OUR FAMILY OF THESE ILLNESSES BUT IT DIDNT MAKE IT ANY EASIER TO ACCEPT. I RUN MY OWN BUSINESS AND WAS USED TO RUNNING AROUND PLAYING SUPERWOMAN BUT THATS HOW IVE ALWAYS BEEN - WELL NOT ANYMORE, EVERYTHING IS ON A GO SLOW AND HAS TO BE DONE AT MY MUCH SLOWER PACE.

I WAS JUST WONDERING IF ANYONE CAN HELP ME TO HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND AS HE'S FINDING IT REALLY DIFFICULT TO ACCEPT. IS IT WORTH US BOTH GOING TO THE DOCS TOGETHER? IM ALWAYS SHOWING HIM THINGS IVE FOUND ONLINE WHICH HE READS BUT IM NOT SURE IF IT GOES IN OR NOT?

THANK U
:crazy:
Last edited by FluppyPuffy on Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Split into smaller paragraphs for easier reading
mel42
UKFM Newbie
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:27 am

Re: HOW CAN I HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND - JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED

Postby busy mummy » Sat Aug 13, 2011 2:51 pm

Hi Mel

I been diagnosed just over a year now and suffered for 3.

If i had a magic wand to lend u i would, buy i havent found one for myself yet. Sometimes seems that my Hubby is very sympathetic and others seems to think i am making it all up.

Only advice i can give you is to have patience with him and remember he is suffering too, he will be putting up with your mood swings and snappy erratic behaviour a good deal and so you really need to cut him a little slack, you say you feel a sense of bereavement for your former life, well he will be feeling same about his former wife.

He will eventually learn to understand that if you dont do the things you used to its because you cant, not cant be bothered. i have to ask my other half to do allsorts of weird things, like, would you like mash potato with your tea? yea ok, well you crack on and peel and chop then i will be able (physically)to do the rest.

its going to be a big learning curve for you, and you can never stop learning, thats a lot for you to take right now, but imagine how OH feels.

I find its good if you know that you are being an absolute :swear1: for no reason and then 10 minutes later you realise :facepalm: you were utterly unreasonable, tell him, and apologise. you will soon start to recognise when this happens and then hopefully so will he.


:hugs: welcome to the :crazy: :dunno: :banghead: world of fibro x


Sarah
User avatar
busy mummy
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 146
Joined: Sat Jul 02, 2011 12:15 pm
Location: Bradford , West Yorks

HOW CAN I HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND - JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED

Postby bexfitz » Sat Aug 13, 2011 7:03 pm

Hi Mel, I live not far up the road from you in Somerset. I was diagnosed in Jan this year after I had an accident at work 3 years ago. I understand completely how you are feeling, fibromyalgia is a complex thing to understand, as we have to come to terms with the mental health side of it as well as the physical.
I found that bombarding my OH with info that I had found was having a similar effect so I sat him down and together we wrote a symptom diary, i wrote down how I was feeling/ hurting and he wrote down his observations. The things he wrote were astounding. He was mostly concerned that I was very emotional about the silliest little things, and was also worried at the level of pain I was in. So we took one symptom at a time and worked through it together. We have also had support from our GP and we saw a clinical psychologist with the pain service in Taunton who was fantastic. She helped me come to terms with fibromyalgia, and helped my husband to realise that communication was very important, and to let me have the opportunity to do stuff if I felt able, rather that doing it for me.
We now try to make things as fun as we can for each other, whether it be cooking (not that I can do much these days) or him trying to keep up with the fibromyalgia babble that often falls out of my mouth!!
I hope this helps a bit, the diary also gives something to refer back to, so you can see for yourself how far you have come...........it's an interesting journey to say the least!
User avatar
bexfitz
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2011 8:21 pm
Location: bridgwater, somerset

Re: HOW CAN I HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND - JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED

Postby FluppyPuffy » Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:24 pm

:wave: Mel :welcome: to the forum.

I've moved your post here as you should get more hit in this part of the form, and I've also split it up into smaller, easier to read paragraphs as a lot of us struggle with reading large amounts of text.

When you post, could you not use capitals. People interpret this as shouting and it is regarded as being rude and poor neteqtette.

There are a couple of threads on here that you get your hubby to have a look at. They are called "One for the non-believers" and "The Spoon Theory". They put things across in such away that it help other have an idea of hat FM is like for us that live with it.
As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.

If your dog doesn't like someone, then you probably shouldn't either
User avatar
FluppyPuffy
SITE ADMIN
 
Posts: 12719
Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 11:25 am
Location: Living Life On The Edge.......Of The Norty Step!!!

Re: HOW CAN I HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND - JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED

Postby shazq » Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:36 pm

:welcome: to the forum Mel :wave:
As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.
Fibromyalgia Awareness Day May 12TH.
User avatar
shazq
UKFM Veteran
 
Posts: 11449
Joined: Wed Feb 11, 2009 8:16 pm
Location: wrapped up under my duvet at home.

Re: HOW CAN I HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND - JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED

Postby mel42 » Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:44 pm

bexfitz wrote:Hi Mel, I live not far up the road from you in Somerset. I was diagnosed in Jan this year after I had an accident at work 3 years ago. I understand completely how you are feeling, fibromyalgia is a complex thing to understand, as we have to come to terms with the mental health side of it as well as the physical.
I found that bombarding my OH with info that I had found was having a similar effect so I sat him down and together we wrote a symptom diary, i wrote down how I was feeling/ hurting and he wrote down his observations. The things he wrote were astounding. He was mostly concerned that I was very emotional about the silliest little things, and was also worried at the level of pain I was in. So we took one symptom at a time and worked through it together. We have also had support from our GP and we saw a clinical psychologist with the pain service in Taunton who was fantastic. She helped me come to terms with fibromyalgia, and helped my husband to realise that communication was very important, and to let me have the opportunity to do stuff if I felt able, rather that doing it for me.
We now try to make things as fun as we can for each other, whether it be cooking (not that I can do much these days) or him trying to keep up with the fibromyalgia babble that often falls out of my mouth!!
I hope this helps a bit, the diary also gives something to refer back to, so you can see for yourself how far you have come...........it's an interesting journey to say the least!


Hi
thank you so much for replying, how did you get to see a clinical psychologist? was it through your gp? i think that would really help us.
And the diary thing together sounds a great idea - thanx for your help
mel x
mel42
UKFM Newbie
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:27 am

Re: HOW CAN I HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND - JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED

Postby mel42 » Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:48 pm

FluppyPuffy wrote::wave: Mel :welcome: to the forum.

I've moved your post here as you should get more hit in this part of the form, and I've also split it up into smaller, easier to read paragraphs as a lot of us struggle with reading large amounts of text.

When you post, could you not use capitals. People interpret this as shouting and it is regarded as being rude and poor neteqtette.

There are a couple of threads on here that you get your hubby to have a look at. They are called "One for the non-believers" and "The Spoon Theory". They put things across in such away that it help other have an idea of hat FM is like for us that live with it.


Hi
Thank you so much for your help, i wouldnt normally use capitals but it just seemed the easiest way as my eyes are really bad but i dont like people emailing me in capitals so i understand its not very nice.
Thank u for your help with my message i wasnt sure if i'd put it in the right place.
I will have a look at the threads.
thanx mel x
mel42
UKFM Newbie
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:27 am

Re: HOW CAN I HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND - JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED

Postby mel42 » Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:49 pm

busy mummy wrote:Hi Mel

I been diagnosed just over a year now and suffered for 3.

If i had a magic wand to lend u i would, buy i havent found one for myself yet. Sometimes seems that my Hubby is very sympathetic and others seems to think i am making it all up.

Only advice i can give you is to have patience with him and remember he is suffering too, he will be putting up with your mood swings and snappy erratic behaviour a good deal and so you really need to cut him a little slack, you say you feel a sense of bereavement for your former life, well he will be feeling same about his former wife.

He will eventually learn to understand that if you dont do the things you used to its because you cant, not cant be bothered. i have to ask my other half to do allsorts of weird things, like, would you like mash potato with your tea? yea ok, well you crack on and peel and chop then i will be able (physically)to do the rest.

its going to be a big learning curve for you, and you can never stop learning, thats a lot for you to take right now, but imagine how OH feels.

I find its good if you know that you are being an absolute :swear1: for no reason and then 10 minutes later you realise :facepalm: you were utterly unreasonable, tell him, and apologise. you will soon start to recognise when this happens and then hopefully so will he.


:hugs: welcome to the :crazy: :dunno: :banghead: world of fibro x


Sarah

Hi sarah
thank u so much for replying, its just nice to talk to people that understand, hope u r doing ok
thanks
mel x
mel42
UKFM Newbie
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:27 am

Re: HOW CAN I HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND - JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED

Postby FluppyPuffy » Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:56 pm

mel42 wrote:
Hi
Thank you so much for your help, i wouldnt normally use capitals but it just seemed the easiest way as my eyes are really bad but i dont like people emailing me in capitals so i understand its not very nice.
Thank u for your help with my message i wasnt sure if i'd put it in the right place.
I will have a look at the threads.
thanx mel x


If you're having difficulties with the size of the text Mel, when you post a reply it gives you the option of increasing the text size (2nd box in from the right of the various options) and you can also bold it, as well as change colour if there is a particular one that you find easier to manage with :wave: :wave: :wave:
As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.

If your dog doesn't like someone, then you probably shouldn't either
User avatar
FluppyPuffy
SITE ADMIN
 
Posts: 12719
Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 11:25 am
Location: Living Life On The Edge.......Of The Norty Step!!!

Re: HOW CAN I HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND - JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED

Postby loubie » Sat Aug 13, 2011 11:17 pm

hi mel :wave:
welcome to the forum.

its very hard for us to understand what is going on :crazy:
so its got to be hard for our other halves to get to grips with it :roll:

just take one day at a time and remember its hard for hubby too.
talk to each other, don't bottle anything up

i always have hubby with me at docs apps, he is the one that remembers what the doc
has said :yikes: :lol:
loubie xx

As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are
no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of
UKFibromyalgia.
User avatar
loubie
UKFM Regular
 
Posts: 2491
Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 8:57 pm
Location: staffs

Re: HOW CAN I HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND - JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED

Postby selbo28 » Sun Aug 14, 2011 11:28 am

Hi Mel, I am also in the process of trying to get my husband to understand what I am going through and trying to come to terms with it myself.
I gave him the leaflet that the rheumatologist gave me when diagnosed just over a month ago and it took him 3 weeks to read it, and the leaflet didn't even begin to describe half of my symptoms so I printed off more info for him to read and as yet he still hasn't read it!

He's usually very understanding when I cant do things due to the pain but I can see sometimes he just wants me to get up and get on with it (they can't possibly understand the pain we're in unless they feel it for themselves!!)

Part of me thinks he doesn't want to read it because it will upset him, he's quite sensitive (although he would never admit it) I can see the sympathy and dispair in his eyes when I'm struggling to walk and it think it upsets our OH's to know there's nothing they can do to help us.

I'll be honest with you, my brain has just stopped working and I can't honestly remember what I was going to write!!
I do think the idea of a diary of how you are feeling is a good idea, I was going to start one a long time ago but keep forgetting!! :facepalm:
Sorry, i have waffled a lot so will go now.
Take care xx
selbo28
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 17
Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2011 4:04 pm

Re: HOW CAN I HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND - JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED

Postby mel42 » Sun Aug 14, 2011 12:46 pm

selbo28 wrote:Hi Mel, I am also in the process of trying to get my husband to understand what I am going through and trying to come to terms with it myself.
I gave him the leaflet that the rheumatologist gave me when diagnosed just over a month ago and it took him 3 weeks to read it, and the leaflet didn't even begin to describe half of my symptoms so I printed off more info for him to read and as yet he still hasn't read it!

He's usually very understanding when I cant do things due to the pain but I can see sometimes he just wants me to get up and get on with it (they can't possibly understand the pain we're in unless they feel it for themselves!!)

Part of me thinks he doesn't want to read it because it will upset him, he's quite sensitive (although he would never admit it) I can see the sympathy and dispair in his eyes when I'm struggling to walk and it think it upsets our OH's to know there's nothing they can do to help us.

I'll be honest with you, my brain has just stopped working and I can't honestly remember what I was going to write!!
I do think the idea of a diary of how you are feeling is a good idea, I was going to start one a long time ago but keep forgetting!! :facepalm:
Sorry, i have waffled a lot so will go now.
Take care xx

Hi
I think my husband feels the same, he find sit very hard to accept and admitted he was blocking it out because he didnt want it to be true but i found out last night that he has now started telling people and thinks he underatands it more.
Thanks for your time - I know its hard to keep focused!!!
mel x
mel42
UKFM Newbie
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Apr 22, 2011 10:27 am

Re: HOW CAN I HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND - JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED

Postby FluppyPuffy » Sun Aug 14, 2011 4:41 pm

Sounds like he's starting to accept things Mel. Hopefully, with a bit of time and patience, he'll start to take in a bit more about FM and be a tad more understanding when you tell him how things are for you :fingerscrossed: :fingerscrossed:
As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.

If your dog doesn't like someone, then you probably shouldn't either
User avatar
FluppyPuffy
SITE ADMIN
 
Posts: 12719
Joined: Mon Jun 08, 2009 11:25 am
Location: Living Life On The Edge.......Of The Norty Step!!!

HOW CAN I HELP MY HUSBAND UNDERSTAND - JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED

Postby bexfitz » Mon Aug 29, 2011 9:20 pm

Sorry Mel, not been about for a while. Yes saw psychologist via pain clinic which was via GP. Hope things are sorting themselves out. Bex
User avatar
bexfitz
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 54
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2011 8:21 pm
Location: bridgwater, somerset


Return to Where to Say Hello

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest