Am at wits end

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Am at wits end

Postby carlz25 » Fri Dec 13, 2013 9:32 am

First of all hi I'm new to this forum and so glad I found it. Feel like I'm constantly complaining to my friends, to the point were one asked yesterday if I had a sore toe I'd like to talk about ( she was joking but still)
I received my diagnosis about 6 months ago and since then I seen to have went downhill. I work 20 hrs per week and I haven't managed to work one full week in months, resulting in loss of wages because I'm off a day here and there rather than a block. My wage for Xmas was over£100 short. But anyway the pain I've been in this last week is completely uncalled for. My two hips and knee are in agony everytime I move, I had to get my partner to pull me out of bed this morn and had to get my 8 yr old daughter to wash my hair last night. I'm beginning to feel so useless and frustrated with myself, I've never asked anyone for help in my life. Sorry for long post but I just need to get it all out there.......


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Re: Am at wits end

Postby han30 » Fri Dec 13, 2013 11:42 am

Hi I feel your pain it's hard when u have children I have a 10 yr old and 7 month old!! I have to roll out of bed as in pain I cry all the time and don't know what to do :( I get burning around the ribs and back and sore shoulders have u been any where for help x


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Re: Am at wits end

Postby carlz25 » Fri Dec 13, 2013 5:24 pm

I'm just back from docs (didn't see my own gp) to be told I'd likely pulled a muscle and told to exercise. Yea if I could walk maybe I would. I'm starting to feel like they don't believe me.....why would I make it up I'm still trying to keep a job through this I'm not trying for DLA or anything. So frustrated.
My partner is useless too he's just concerned with himself and as long as he is ok all is well in his world!!!!


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Re: Am at wits end

Postby debsmith » Sun Dec 15, 2013 12:48 am

Hia hun

I'm sorry ur having such a horrible time :( exercise wouldn't we all love to do something nice!!! If only we could sum dr,s are just so ignorant hun I've had a fair few before I got diagnosed I'm seeing rhummi in jan hope he/she is supportive!! Me to has partner who only cares about himself I spend a lot of time. In my room as its the comftablist place to b yet I rarely see him!!! Ur not alone there hun! I too work by skin of my teeth so wish I didn't have to no 1 see,s the pain behind my false smiles........ Thank god 4this website eh xxxxxx
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Re: Am at wits end

Postby carlz25 » Sun Dec 15, 2013 12:59 am

Hey! Totally glad of support on forums like this just having someone understand makes a huge diff. My gp - the one that diagnosed me won't refer me to rhumitologist she said I've no need. I'm just that tired most times I can't even be bothered fighting her on it.
In terms of partner I'm with mine 18 yrs and starting to feel so resentful towards him because I don't even get a how r u feeling and guarantee if asked he couldn't tell anyone what it is I have. Let alone try to understand it


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Re: Am at wits end

Postby debsmith » Sun Dec 15, 2013 1:10 am

Hia

Same here mine doesn't realli bother nor does he even try and understand when I got diagnosed all I wanted was a hug all I got was oh and walked downstairs I too am very resentful!!! Been many times I've helped+supported him! Yet.........nothing even thinking to call it a day tbh! Re: no need what a cheek! Do u see a painclinic bearing in mind not all are good! Ask to talk to practise manager hun I get u re: no fight left same here! I do tend to look after me more now tho as he doesn't! Normaly exmas he does jack! Relys on me 2do all not this year got food hampers etc + my kids but down to him now to sort his kids shouldn't b to difficult should it LOL!!! Sorri had to chuckle he's hopeless at things in general its always been me doing not him now he has to step up end of and I realli don't feel bad about that we have a flippin nough to deal with xxxx
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Re: Am at wits end

Postby carlz25 » Sun Dec 15, 2013 8:06 pm

Nope no pain clinic even mentioned. I've a feeling that she's monitoring me because I'm not long diagnosed even though her words to me at the time were goodness you've been running bk and forward with these pains and tiredness for over 4 years. Erm.....swear so frustrating at times. I've stopped even trying to rely on partner now. He had to lift me earlier when I couldn't get up from loading washing machine. He said are you really that bad like!!!!


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Re: Am at wits end

Postby degsy » Tue Dec 17, 2013 4:26 pm

Reading these posts has really struck a chord with me. I have been suffering since 1991 and over the years has got progressivly worse. Up to 5 yrs ago I was married, but she never believed me as I do look so well, but no one can see whats going on inside. End result : Divorced!
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Re: Am at wits end

Postby denys » Tue Dec 17, 2013 5:13 pm

Hi and :welcome: to the forum :cow-wave: :cow-wave: if your doc is confident about your diagnoses then there isnt any need to refer you to a rhuematologist, more and more GP's are relying on themselves and to be honest most rhuematologists diagnose then discharge you back to the care of your GP anyway so for some there is little point of all the waiting around to happen.

Have you been prescribed any meds??? if not then maybe that is something you can discuss further with your GP as well as the availability of any pain clinics that may be available in your area (they arent available everywhere :!: :!: ) and the possibility of a referral to one of them :-D :-D

As for partners, relatives, friends etc. who dont seem to understand, print off a copy of the 'one for non-believers' and get them to read it or a copy of 'The spoon theory' it sometimes helps them to see what an invisible illness is like
Denys

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Re: Am at wits end

Postby debsmith » Tue Dec 17, 2013 8:11 pm

Hia denys
Regarding leaflets etc believe me I've tried that already!!!! Sooooooo many times he's just interested in himself he has no empathy,care, I have had it to be honest its getting to point where I wouldn't care if he moved out sad but true,I still work just! By skin of my teeth! By time I get home I'm in sheer agony and can't do a thing my daughter is amazing!! If it wasn't 4her I wouldn't b eating! No joke! If he decides to cook b midnite b4 we ate! At weekends I simply can't move due to working in week no love/support he moans when he has to hoover!!!! My daughter asked him please can u cook just 2 times a week but......................doesn't happen,she stripped my bed,does all the housework,cooking,and 1 thing I miss the most is walking our lush woofer,s :( weekends while I rest body/knee re: rhumatoid arthritis he sits downstairs most of time he will now and again pop up a cuppa I have massive resentment 2wards him as when I met him his life was in a mess and I helped sort all out etc etc I'm realli unhappy I know it must b realli hard to accept ur poorly.......but when u get back from dr,s and get ur diagnosis he says "oh" and walks downstairs he can just get on with it feel a stranger in "my" house P@@@ed of is a understatement given up trying with leaflets,trying to talk 2him brick wall springs to mind!!!!!! XxxxxxxX :banghead: :hit1: :bricks:
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Re: Am at wits end

Postby denys » Tue Dec 17, 2013 8:31 pm

Debs I really feel for you and can understand where you are coming from, unfortunately some people are born selfish to the core :( :( :( :( I hope you find a resolution whatever that may be and can find some peace and happiness for you and your daughter :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
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Re: Am at wits end

Postby debsmith » Tue Dec 17, 2013 8:44 pm

Hia denys

Awwwwwww thank u 4 ur lovely message I have sorted 1 of my MAIN stresses when his son was due to start senior school he came to live here! Biggest ever mistake of my life!!!!!! We did have a great relationship post rude child coming!!!!! Spoke at length to my gp about it as he knew sumthing was on my mind he said hmm sounds like he had his own game plan how right was he!!! Got to point where headmaster rang OH to say if this is guna work u must b a united front and support ur partner yet this has never happened!!!! Hence the resentment its like the 2 of them in relationship but in MY house!!!! Dr said I must do something re: stress levels so after asking OH to inform his ex wife child is going back there yet 10weeks later OH still hadn't the B@@S to do so,so I told her straight as we get on so she knows re: OH I do believe she had a rite old rare at him all I could do was PMSL karma they call it don't they! I done everything possible to make things as comfy as I could and 4 what??? So I'm counting down the weeks woooo hoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! Since he's been told he doesn't speak to bad realli and he will have to now share a room oh deary me!!!!!!!!! Sounds harsh but after years of stress enough is enough! So we will see if OH starts realizing I actualy live here! If no change then that's that bags packed that simple now had it xxxxxx :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: to u too
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Re: Am at wits end

Postby carlz25 » Thu Dec 19, 2013 8:23 pm

Hi, I keep thinking like that too but as you say we help them when lives are a mess then they just come to expect it from us. I think it would cause me more stress to try and break our relationship up than stay how I am. I'm currently taking paracetamol, naproxen, propananol, tramadol and amtitrypilyne And it scares the life out of him because I never ever took tablets before. But yet he still can't seem to understand the reason why......


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Re: Am at wits end

Postby debsmith » Thu Dec 19, 2013 8:39 pm

Hia carlz,dennys and all

I know what u mean re: will cause more stress etc can't win can we!!! May b we could shove all the men in 1 house and us ladies can share + take care of 1 another! LOL re: medz I know how u feel there crikey u should see my box of tricks yet he still doesn't get it I'm doing 1 thing that will rid a LOT of stress so when his awful child gone back to mummy,s I'm guna sit him down 4 the "last"!!! Time if nothing changes then that's IT 4me I have to think of my daughter and myself I've been divorced b4 I met him and tbh I have built a brick wall of my own my attitude is once horrid and I mean horrid "child" has gone I haven't got that stress to worri about he is going with me to see rhummi last chance saloon 4me I've been on my own b4 and I can do it again sending hugs to all xxxxxx
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