pushing people away

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pushing people away

Postby sadiej » Thu Jul 24, 2014 5:17 pm

Hi, I'm new to this forum.
I have Arthritis & Fibromyalgia which is really affecting my mobility badly. I struggle to walk & can only drive short distances. I seem to have pushed a lot of people away. Not sure why but I don't get included in the coffee mornings or days out etc. I'm going to look at mobility scooters & feel 100 years old instead of 53. It's good there are others out there on this forum who will know what I'm going through.
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Re: pushing people away

Postby Garyl » Thu Jul 24, 2014 5:37 pm

Sadie j I'm 6 years older then you, and have struggled with fibro for years, i now have a 3 wheeled walker i use to get about hope you get something to help you.

I feel ancient walking with a walker. I am sure you the people who you say you pushed away left as they cannot cope seeing you suffer, is not your fault at all stay strong
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Re: pushing people away

Postby Jayne Gough » Thu Jul 24, 2014 5:38 pm

Yes I'm the same I've even pushed my family away I thought it was just me.
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Re: pushing people away

Postby daisyp59 » Thu Jul 24, 2014 6:18 pm

Hi, I know exactly how you feel. I have arthritis and fibro and I don't like going anywhere now unless my partner or a close friend is with me. I have pushed a lot of people away as I hate the way I move and walk. I do think that people don't know how to react and that can make them put distance between you and them. I don't know what the answer is, other than talking to people to explain what you are going through and how they can help, but I know that is difficult to do. Keep smiling!
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Re: pushing people away

Postby Lindilou » Thu Jul 24, 2014 6:28 pm

I don't think' you', 'I' or 'we' have pushed them away - they have gone themselves.
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Re: pushing people away

Postby denys » Thu Jul 24, 2014 9:00 pm

Hi sadie and :welcome: to the forum I have moved you into here as its more suitable for your intro post, anyway I hope we can offer you some support. Glad to have you here :-D :-D :-D
Denys

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Re: pushing people away

Postby sadiej » Thu Jul 24, 2014 9:03 pm

Just glad to have a place to visit. Thanks
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Re: pushing people away

Postby denys » Thu Jul 24, 2014 9:03 pm

:-D :-D :-D :-D
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Hi everyone xx

Postby totti » Fri Jul 25, 2014 1:05 am

Hi, I'm Gail, (from Perth, Scotland)

I've been a member since December but this is the first time that I have actually written anything!!
I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year after years of pain & this week I have just discovered I am having a nervous breakdown again (!!)(first one was in March) & was also told by the doctor the next day that I have C.O.P.D (chronic obstructive pulmonary disease).

The pain clinic has tried everything with me for the pain, but have now given up as nothing seems to be working for me! I just feel as though I have been really let down by the medical profession, including my local gp surgery!

At the moment I am taking 400mg Tramadol, 120mg Duluxatine & 30mg Baclofen. But my pain just seems to get worse not better!

I find it remarkable the amount of support everyone gives one another here, how do you all do it? Coping with your own pain while helping others, you are all completely remarkable people!

I hope that one day I am in a position to do as you all do & help someone!

I have promised my family & friends that I will continue to fight everything that is thrown my way.

It is such a comfort to think that I can chat to people who are going through the same as me.

Well I think that is enough about me, don't want to bore you all!! Lol. I would love to hear from you, I promise I won't prattle on as much as this!

Love Gail xx
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Re: pushing people away

Postby migrembe » Fri Jul 25, 2014 9:34 am

Welcome Sadie and Gail,

I tend to say things as i see them so please don't take a-fence (offence :crazy: ) but you can have the gate, well you could but someone else already took it :roll:

I believe that Fibro is genetic, although there is a trigger that sets it off. I also accept there is no cure for it. These two facts have helped me a great deal to deal with living in hell most days. I have had symptoms for at least 11 years, possibly all my life on and off, but was finally diagnosed after a fall down stairs about 4 years ago. I seem to have had ever medication is quick succession and have had to stop them due to the fact that they i do not work, they can seriously damage your body if you are on them long term and the adverse side affects were making me more ill than the fibro. I now take co-codamol 30/500 x 2 up too 3 x a day and Ibuprofen 400 up to 3 x a day, these give me the least side effects for greatest benefit. Stronger pain medication does not necessarily equate to better pain control.

Four years ago i struggled to sit up in bed and getting out of bed was awful and no one understands it. I believe in the power of the body to heal itself if we allow it to do so. In January this year i weaned myself off all the pills one at a time, was the pain any worse, not really but the fatigue was, my body was struggling to function. The lack of sleep was literally killing me, so i needed to do something about it. In January i began meditating, having regularly practiced before my fall i knew what it should feel like it my body. Now i can get out of bed most days, even if it is a struggle and at least have a shower, feed the cat, eat breakfast and some days meet up with a friend for lunch, which means i have to walk the short distance to the bus stop and from bus stop to coffee shop where we meet and back again. I also now, most days, sit cross legged on a meditation cushion on the floor for 15 -20 minutes a time. Does the pain miraculously vanish - no, but that tightness is released and that lower the pain and i sleep and sleep is the cure all, which the body needs to function.

I have had two nervous break downs in the past, one 14 yrs ago and one when all this began. Before my fall i worked as a staff nurse on a heart ward, i had to give up work. I now walk with a stick. i believe Fibro happens because of modern day living, we are too stressed, too busy and we do not take time to stop and do nothing. It's almost like we are not allowed to do so. If you want to stop the pills do so with your doctor's help and do it slowly. In fact do everything slowly. Decide what is important to you and do those things first - for me meditation, shower, food, feed cat, spend time with my children and granddaughters and visit my parents, see my friend. I am 51 and to add to everything else my body is trying to decide if it's a girl or a boy - comes to all us women and i can't wait for it all to go away.

I have recently stopped my anti-depressant with my Dr's knowledge. Don't feel any crazier and the nightmares and night terrors have died down, not gone but so much less intrusive.

Hope that is useful. I write a blog on Fibro here - http://mywonkydonkeylife.wordpress.com/ I am beginning to teach my friend Geraldine how to meditate, try it you never know it might help.

Beverley
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Re: pushing people away

Postby eeyorejd » Fri Jul 25, 2014 9:42 am

Hi Sadie
I have a number of things wrong including Fibro and like you I've pushed a lot of people both friends and family away.
Part of it with me personally is watching friends go about things normally and me not being able to, silly things like gripping
the credit card out of the machine I really struggle with. I get pity which I don't want I feel bad enough without the pity.
I get depression on top but I've had comments from 'friends' about being my carer because I need help when I go out,
because of this I tend not to go out with friends and only share things with a VERY limited number of friends.
I brought a scooter a few months back after another flare up and heart op and had a hoist fitted into my car (motorbility car) and although I've been advised not to go out on my own having the scooter does help me feel more independant.
I'm younger than you and yes there are times I feel like an old woman but if it means doing something with my daughter
or not doing it then the scooter wins.
I started slowly by hiring one then buying one after about a year just think about the freedom it will give you.
I wish you all the very best in whatever you decide sending big hugs to you. Take care x
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Re: pushing people away

Postby Tally1068 » Fri Jul 25, 2014 12:09 pm

:-D Hi sadiej. I'm sorry you are struggling so much. Like you I have fibro, COPD, osteoarthritis and osteoporosis.
After fracturing my spine before Christmas I haven't walked since and reluctantly have just sold my car. :( It's been sitting neglected for all that time.

The beauty of being an OAP living on her own is that the two letters NO are getting so much easier to say. ;-)

The one thing that's helped me is NOT fighting this, there's no cure as far as I know, and it uses up too much energy. Accepting how things are works best for me, but everyone is different and it takes time. I had a breakdown when I fractured my spine as at least I'd been able to drive, walk, albeit slowly and painfully and be sort of mobile.

One of the best things I ever bought was a trike. It means I can get to the bathroom so my Carer doesn't have to wash all my bits! (Just as well as I've 2 men on the rota :yikes: )

I'm also in the process of buying a small electric scooter. And to hell with what people say. Inside I'll always be mid twenties. Just to make people talk to me - not the wheelchair pusher de jour :roll: I have kitted my little dog up in a hell's angel jacket. :oops: I usually hate dressed up dogs. It gets noticed though. And usually gets a laugh. Now they talk to the dog not the wheelchair pusher!!

Image

I think it's natural to get angry and upset by how fibro and all the other stuff changes your life. I'm like a fishwife on the really painful days and ready to shoot the whole of Rheumatology for their lack of empathy.

Take time to grieve your last life and work out what works for YOU. If people are avoiding you I tend to think that's their loss, but as it upsets you maybe a gentle explanation of how your illnesses affect you and how different each day is, is on the cards. You haven't changed, your circumstances have and if you're able you'd still like things as normal as possible. If they're still boycotting you, then Stuff 'em They aren't worth it.

Best of luck with your "friends" and this place is great for when your grief/frustration/anger get too much to bear.

Edited to add I can manage a few steps on my walker so I'm not bedbound as I was at Christmas. It plays hell on my arthritic shoulders though. All my weight going onto them makes a flare up really painful. Ho Hum.
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Re: pushing people away

Postby sadiej » Fri Jul 25, 2014 3:32 pm

Thank you everyone, some great positive people out there. I'm not taking any medication at the moment other than over the counter pain pills and am at odds with my doctors advise, but feel it's right for me. I'm going down the natural route for now and if all else fails I'll consider medication. Wishing all the best for all on here. xx
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Re: pushing people away

Postby morette5 » Fri Jul 25, 2014 5:44 pm

This comes with the territory, your coping mechanisms clash with coping mechanisms of others. No one is to blame, least of all you.
if it is any consolation, i am 48 and my 75 yr old mum can run rings around me.
She is taking me to the see side tomorrow (Yes i have regressed this far), i am dreading it.
I plan to sit somewhere nice for most of the time while mum and my girls spend their bountyfull energy.
I take what i can. (Gratefully). 8-)
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