I'm scared

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I'm scared

Postby Anythingbut » Tue Mar 10, 2015 4:07 pm

I'm 44, months ago I was diagnosed with eds type 3/ extreme joint hypermobiliy. I was then told I had fibromyalgia too. Not me says I. Oh noooo I don't have anything of the sort. I am stoic and just being a whinge but I'm tired. So so tired. I despise myself & my life which has made me scared. I don't work nor do I claim anything for myself. My husband works. My daughter is at special needs school and I have devoted my life to her. I have no other family. I am constantly in pain yet can't tell anyone. I am beyond exhausted yet can't tell anyone. I forget everything regularly. It's a standing joke with my kids etc... Daily there are new things I can't do and I just feel like quitting but I'm not a quitter. Husbands wages pay the bills & food. My daughters DLA & Carers pay for her needs and the rest goes on bills. We are broke constantly. I would like to go to work but where?? And how?? Today I changed the bed. I could not shake the quilt out. I literally couldn't do it. So I cried and searched google. Here I am. A very sad silly mess of self pity. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am a fixer yet I can't fix me.
Sorry for the poor intro.....but I've been in denial for far too long.
Thank you for reading x
Anythingbut
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Re: I'm scared

Postby Queenie_70 » Tue Mar 10, 2015 6:47 pm

:wave:

Welcome to the family.....rants, rages, and whinging are all allowed on this forum, and there is a great section that has nothing but jokes to ease the pain.

Not being able to fix ones self is something you will find we all have in common. One of many things that we have in common. I too nursed a special needs child, fought in her corner, and never took no for an answer. I too fought schools, bullies, and ignorance for my children. We have all mended, fixed, patched up, or otherwise taken care of others, or situations. But, and it is a big but, we all can agree that fixing what ails us is an impossible task. :!:

We can see doctors and hopefully get some medication that eases the pain. We can apply for assistance and hopefully get financial or emotional support. Yet, unfortunately, this condition does not allow us to go back to who we were before. :cry:

I was diagnosed when I was 38. Not old compared to some, yet not young compared to others. I worked a high powered job in the American Military (I could tell you but then I would have to shoot you), was getting my Masters Degree, caring for my other special needs child, running the house (ex was useless), and making sure everyone had everything they needed, wanted or desired. I now know that I have to put myself first, and it has taken years to come to that conclusion.

Fibro makes us different physically, but not mentally (except for fog), in that I feel young in my brain, but not so much in my body. I have to stop and smell the roses, feel the rain, and be okay with the warren of dust bunnies under the bed. (I am what is kindly referred to as a type A personality or anal retentive). I hate anything out of place, yet it happens more and more because I allow it to so my body isn't completely wrecked by the time I hit the bed. Pacing is not something I have ever been good at. I am full speed ahead or dead on the floor. I pay for it dearly, and if you have flares, like the rest of us, you will too.

Read through some of the posts and see what we, collectively, have learned. But ask questions, rant, rage, and be frustrated. Like the guru Shrek stated, "Better out than in." Though I think that referred to something else :)

xxx
"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
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