Cannot Cope

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Cannot Cope

Postby scarletsuzuki » Wed Apr 20, 2016 9:29 am

not for the faint of heart--- mature theme / content.

Im a 22 year old mum of a 18 month old little boy,yet I feel like I cant cope anymore.

every day it gets worse, so much so I've got a broken wrist at the moment and that's nothing in comparison to my overall pain.
I am struggling on day by day, its ruined my life. I am now unable to work at all and my husband has to be home to take care of me so hes had to leave his job to take care of me. I am prescribed oramorph, zomorph, codine, paracetomol, gabapentin and asprin, setraline and amatriptaline .. on top of that I can no longer walk because of pain... i cant play with my son.. nor change his bum,.. I cant soothe him when he cry's and cant pick him up when he puts his arms up to me. my mother has him 5 days a week because its not fair on him seeing me like this having to go to the hospital to have me sedated etc. at least once a month I am admitted to the hospital to be sedated because sometimes the pain can keep me up for 6 days after 2 i loose use of most of my functions.. i then spend 4 days in and out of a red hot shower full of meds and sleeping pills.

what I am really saying is,.. I don't know if I can live anymore. I exist, suffering. I am a useless mother, a worthless wife and I genuinely feel like there is nothing left for me. me and my husband haven't had sex in 16 months, causing a afair. (I had to forgive him, im just not attractive anymore and my pain means he needs to satisfy his urges somewhere realistically and after a month mrs palmer wasn't helping) I am a huge burden on my family and friends. Is this really fibromyalgia as diagnosed or is it something else because I find that 99.9% of people with it can live some form of decent life... It genuinely makes me mad that someone has fibro and they complain how bad their life is because there wrist hurts.. I currently have a broken wrist (uncasted) and I am sat here typing through the pain as I am in more pain with my other joints widespread... It cant be right surely?

am I really alone even with my pain here?
I've thought about taking my life many times, In hindsight I would have done it months ago if I knew it would be like this.
I love my son dearly, hes the only reason I get up in the mornings. I fear now I have got to the point that im making it worse for him by sticking around.

I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am sorry if some people find this in bad taste at all but I honestly have no other routes to try and figure out. I've exhausted them all. I've had 40-50 x-rays.. i've had surgery, name a drug and I've been given it. I've even used cannabis and illicit drugs to try. I've been to pain clinics, to psychologists , neurologists, I've been involved in a drug trial that unfortunately stripped my liver and kidneys to a score of 7 % over failure and needing transplant. I've fought so hard, I have hot tears streaming down my face as I type this ..... when is it okay to give up? I have near zero quality of life.
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Re: Cannot Cope

Postby *Lisa* » Wed Apr 20, 2016 11:17 am


Fibro can cause such severe pain all over. Every one is different. It started in my neck 17 years ago and now its widespread and every muscle and joint is effected. I have tried EVERYTHING like yourself. To keep me at some point of mobile I have trigger point therapy which I have to pay for. Without this I wouldn't be able to move at all. My breathing is even restricted as well as my jaw as well as the usual joints etc....

I have been a moderator on this forum now for 10 years and before that I helped on another Fibro forum and YES unfortunately fibro can seriously effect many people in this way.

I assume you have been clear of bloods/x/rays etc of anything else? How long ago was this? because if symptoms have got worse after being looked at then I suggest you see your GP again just in case something has now appeared.

If fibro is the full picture then I am wondering if you have tried some hands on therapy which I did not see you had tried? I know how painfull this can be but it can help with mobility.

Have you spoken to your GP about all of this and your feelings of giving up? they can help possibly by referring you for some thing like CBT or counselling. I know none of this will take the pain away but it may help you with your feelings in some way?

I must also say that I found the Samaritans of help, especially in times like this.

You have found this forum which is a good start, we can help as much as we can with advice and support and im sure many of us have felt like this at some point.

Your not alone :grouphug:
As a Public Moderator & Admin of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia...Lisa
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Re: Cannot Cope

Postby difly » Thu Apr 28, 2016 12:35 am

hy I realise I am replying to your post at a late stage however it is never to late to offer support or for you to ask for more help if you need it ?? and it sounds like you feel you have exhausted all options ? .from what you have said about the medications you are taking it seems like a visit to your gp to ask for a referral to a pain management specialist may help .along with this what about a referral to physio/occupational therapist rheumatology for advise and support may help. also consider speaking to your health visitor again they may be able to offer support .since joining the forum I have found support and reassurance I am not alone in dealing with what fibro throws at me I hope things can improve for you stay strong and consider a visit to your gp to talk through your options
take care
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Re: Cannot Cope

Postby Tysiriol » Thu May 05, 2016 2:51 pm

Oh sweetheart. Sadly fibro can do this to some people, it's a spectrum with mild to severe. I'm glad you've reached out to the forum and have said how it is. I was in your place 6 years ago and this forum (and one other) saved my life.

It sounds like you need more practical support and less medications being thrown at you. Please see your GP and tell them what you told us. Print this out and show it to him if it helps. I broke down completely with my GP and it was the best thing I did. I had counselling that got me through the worst of it and when I was ready I did a course of CBT. I know it sounds a bit odd but actually it really helped me.

It is possible that you have comorbidities as well so make sure to get the GP about other possible causes. I have several autoimmune problems as well and its not always easy to tell them apart but the treatments are quite different.

I should add that I was very severe when I had a newborn as well so I know how hard it is. At the moment your little boy is young enough that he won't remember you like this later on. I've learnt that there are other ways to be a great mum other than being active and running around with them. Just ask my daughter who thinks I'm wonderful! He will remember you loving him, cuddling him and wiping his tears when he's sick. He'll remember you reading with him, drawing and colouring, and teaching him about the world. Also, he will grow up to be non-judgemental and compassionate. There are upsides to everything. Not much comfort at the moment I know. But, your son will NOT be damaged by you.

Please keep talking. I'll check back. And please know that I (and others here) are thinking of you. I was in your shoes 6 years ago, now I'm divorced, remarried to a wonderful man and travelling again with my family. I have found joy and the small things in life through mindfulness and as a result my body is more rested and less painful. I really do recommend reading about mindfulness for chronic pain. I gained so much from it and I'm sure you can too.

Take care Sweet xx
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