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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - Daft Jokes !



Daft Jokes !

Any tips on what helps you including alternative medicine.

Moderators: perseus, *Lisa*, FluppyPuffy

Postby BuffyBoo » Sun Apr 23, 2006 11:55 pm

Eclipse... What an English barber does for a living.

ECNALUBMA... A rescue vehicle which can only be seen properly in the rearview mirror.

Eiffelites... Gangly people sitting in front of you at the movies who, no matter which direction you lean in, follow suit.

Elbonics... The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

Elecelleration... The mistaken notion that the more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.

Elephino... Cross between an Elephant and a Rhinoceros.

Explain… Now beautiful.

Exsocialate... To distance oneself from others under the belief that they are pretty much all untrustworthy moroffs.

Eyedropper... A clumsy ophthalmologist.
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Postby BuffyBoo » Sun Apr 23, 2006 11:57 pm

Flufferize... To take a word or sentence that is bland or common, and expand upon it or make it personal.

Frisbeetarianism... the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Frust... The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

Garbage… Period after the Ice Age when everyone put on clothes.

Garbotuous... Big Bot search engine finder of diatribe data.

Generica… Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where on is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

Giraffiti… Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Glibido… All talk and no action.

Governmentium… The heaviest element yet known to science (see also Administratium).

Grocerise... To sell off non-perishable food articles through eBeh channels.

Gruesome… Got slightly taller.

Gruntled... A satisfied (non-disgruntled) employee.
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Postby BuffyBoo » Sun Apr 23, 2006 11:58 pm

Heroes... What a guy in a boat does.

Hipatitis… Terminal coolness.

HonkoSecond... The time between the light turning green and the sound from the car horn behind you.

Hypothescience... The intuition that a solution to an intractable problem could be found, if people would just take time to work on it.

Iceomaniac... One who has to go out of their way to step on thin ice to hear a satisfying crunching sound.

Iconomic... Making do with fewer icons on your computer desktop.

Ignoranus… A person who’s both stupid and DUBM.

Inoculatte… To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Intaxication… Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Investiquire... The act of investigating non-common knowledge.

Irritainment… Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

Karmageddon… It’s like, when everybody is sending off al these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.


Lactomangulation... Manhandling the "open here" spout on a mile container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

Leftbank... What the robber did when his bag was full of money.

Liability… A talent for telling untruths.
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Postby BuffyBoo » Sun Apr 23, 2006 11:58 pm

Magaseen... The ancient reading material in your doctor's office.

Malenutrition... The practice of depriving a man from food for more than a couple of hours - or during a football game.

Mentally… Counting male patients at the asylum.

Misty... How golfers create divots.

Moral… When Al visits for the second time.

Mouse Potato… The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.

Nasolactaspew... The result of laughing while drinking milk.

Neonphancy... A fluorescent light bulb struggling to come to life.

Obsessionerds... Joe-ksters who just cannot keep themselves from submitting stupid words that might be funny if people knew just what the heck they were talking about.

Obviosity... Something that is clearly obvious.

OhNo Second… 1 nanosecond after you've sent your "Take your job & stuff it" email to your boss.

Osteopornosis… A degenerate disease.
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Postby BuffyBoo » Mon Apr 24, 2006 12:00 am

Paradox... Two physicians.

Parasites... What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Peppier... The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

Percussive Maintenance… The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Pertyful... Pretty and cute.

Petrophobic... One who is embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.

Pharmacist... A helper on the farm.

Phonesia... The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

Pickup artist… An artist whose specialty is painting pictures of trucks.

Pickupnoxious... Having attitudes particular to the ill-bred, testosterone-poisoned male, characterized by poor driving habits, rudeness, and inordinate pride in owning a pickup truck.

PITA... Pain in the ass, as in "she is such a pita."

Plastodon... A person whose face is 51% or more plastic from reconstructive surgery.

Polarize... What penguins see with.

Prairie Dogging… When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.

Primate... Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.

Proctocol... One who is a practical rectum digger - short form of 'proctological'.

Pseudonymphomania... The compulsive desire to have sex under an assumed name.

Pupkus... The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

Radialyricterial... A person who knows all the words to all the 50s, 60s & 70s songs.

Reintarnation… Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Relief... What trees do in the spring.
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Postby BuffyBoo » Mon Apr 24, 2006 12:01 am

Sacapupu... Japanese dirty diaper.

Salmon Day… The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Sarchasm… The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

Seagull Manager… A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

Selfish... What the owner of a seafood store does.

Sitcoms… Single income, two children, oppressive mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

Snipocrite... A person who silently scrutinizes the hairdressers' hair before deciding whether or not to turn their own head over to this person.

Snishwools... French bread.

Snost... past tense of snooze ("you snooze, you loose"... "You Snost, you lost!"). An implication that it is too late to change anything. Short form: "Snost!"

Squez... Past tense of squeeze.

Stress Puppy… A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.


Subordinate clauses… Santa’s helpers.

Sudafed... Brought litigation against a government official.

Supermarket… Grocery store with special powers and a clever disguise that fights for truth, justice, and the American way.

Swipeout… An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
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Postby BuffyBoo » Mon Apr 24, 2006 12:04 am

And last but by no means least!



Taxidermists… Someone who cleans, waxes, and paints the exteriors of cabs.

Techspian... A poser who is a techie just so he/she can be an actor.

Telecrastination... The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

Terminal Illness… Getting sick at train depots, bus stations, and airports.

Toesmearish... The annoying occurrence of the toe nail polish smearing under your other toes during the drying process.

Toupee… A teepee made of synthetic hair.

Traficious... A place with too much traffic (i.e. Vancouver in 2010 will exhibit exorbitant traficiousness).

Unaware… The last thing you take off before getting into the bath.

Unison… Lad with an androgynous look.

Usurped... Something you put on your pancakes.

Violent… Paint colour that makes brutal men see red.

Vulcan Nerve Pinch... The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for some computer commands.

Woofys… Well Off Older Folks.

Woppajoppies... Oversized headphones.

Xerox Subsidy… Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.
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Postby Joo » Mon Apr 24, 2006 12:02 pm

:shock: I think, 'Get a life' applies mate!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
Smile - you might as well and it makes better looking wrinkles!!!
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Postby BuffyBoo » Mon Apr 24, 2006 6:43 pm

I was bored......
Did any of them make you smile....... ?
They made me chuckle.
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Postby Joo » Mon Apr 24, 2006 8:21 pm

:? I couldn't stop myself zzzzzzzzing after the first 985 mate.........!!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:
Smile - you might as well and it makes better looking wrinkles!!!
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Postby Phoebe » Mon Apr 24, 2006 8:56 pm

wow so many ur arms must be aching.
thanks for those xx
Keep Smiling, Pheebs xxxx
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Postby BuffyBoo » Mon Apr 24, 2006 10:44 pm

Na, the joys of copy and paste. :lol:
They amused me.
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A Husband's Nightmare

Postby BuffyBoo » Tue Apr 25, 2006 11:01 am

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, Still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lampHad been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the familyroom was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles Of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come Home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
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Postby Phoebe » Tue Apr 25, 2006 6:29 pm

good one.x :wink:
Keep Smiling, Pheebs xxxx
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Postby Tracy » Tue Apr 25, 2006 6:54 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: That was a good one :lol: :lol: :lol:
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