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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - I say, I say, I say



I say, I say, I say

Any tips on what helps you including alternative medicine.

Moderators: perseus, *Lisa*, FluppyPuffy

Postby BuffyBoo » Tue Mar 28, 2006 4:45 pm

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony.
On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander
around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately
gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you
call for me?"
The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"
She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here
that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.
Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on
a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way
with her.
The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the
sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy
man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, "Did you call for Me?" says the hairy man.
No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.
You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart,
it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him
around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.
The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted
by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says.
The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back
and you can keep the $500 membership fee.
But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities.
The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an
erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day".
Sometimes my mind wanders, sometimes it leaves altogether!
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Postby Looloo » Tue Mar 28, 2006 5:14 pm

Oooooh Buffyboo, this one was so good. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
A voice said unto me 'smile and be happy'
things could be worse'. So I smiled and was happy. And behold, things did get worse! lol Looloo
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Postby Joo » Tue Mar 28, 2006 6:01 pm

:lol: Ha!Ha!Ha! :lol: Joo x
Smile - you might as well and it makes better looking wrinkles!!!
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just to lower the tone

Postby Phoebe » Tue Mar 28, 2006 8:58 pm

a woman was admitted to hospital today after having phone sex
doctors managed to remove 2 nokias and 3 motorolas but there was no sign of any siemen...
Keep Smiling, Pheebs xxxx
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Postby elaine ann » Tue Mar 28, 2006 10:28 pm

i thank you all for those jokes it has made me laugh and cheered me up no end i love a good joke.i do have a story about when i went to the hospital but dont like to tell it dont want to offend anyone its not that rude just embarrassing
elaine ann
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Postby Joo » Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:50 pm

:( Elaine Ann, how could you do that to your captive audience girl? :? We is waiting wiv baited breaff for the whole embarrassing incident now!!! :shock: C'mon........the WHOLE story please :lol: As you know, this whole site needs a smile a day at least :lol: You can do it...........!!!! Joo x :wink:
Smile - you might as well and it makes better looking wrinkles!!!
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Postby elaine ann » Wed Mar 29, 2006 9:21 pm

hello
has anyone else been this thick?
i was rushed to a&e just before christmas because the muscles in my back had gone into spasm.so they gave me some very strong pain killers.and they did tests etc then they said i could go home.but the doc said before you go i need to make sure everything is ok down below and you could see he was a bit embarrassed.he said i need to examine your back passge to check the muscles are ok so no problem .then he said i want you to squeeze my finger.so he popped in his finger and then said now squeeze my fingerSO what did i do with my hand i squeezed his free finger on the other hand.when i realised what i had done after i couldnt stop laughing i bet he had a laugh after i had gone home.
also another time i had to go there i lost my knickers where they went i dont know.
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Postby Joo » Wed Mar 29, 2006 10:40 pm

:lol: You're right Elaine Ann, that WAS truly embarrassing and definately cringe-worthy!! Well done, good effort and your score for humiliation...10 out of 10!! He!He! :lol: :lol: Joo x
Smile - you might as well and it makes better looking wrinkles!!!
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Location: The beautiful South West of England

Postby Joo » Wed Mar 29, 2006 10:43 pm

One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:

"If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts."

:roll: :lol: Joo X :roll: :lol:
Smile - you might as well and it makes better looking wrinkles!!!
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Postby BuffyBoo » Thu Mar 30, 2006 1:07 am

Thanks Elaine, really good story,
Thanks to Phoebe too, I had to tell my other half your phone sex joke.... it was a groaner but not THAT way :oops:
With smiles
Buffy x
Sometimes my mind wanders, sometimes it leaves altogether!
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Postby BuffyBoo » Thu Mar 30, 2006 1:22 pm

On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails.

Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the Desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then an Indian man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and brown hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt...one button at a time.

No one moves...

He removes his shirt...

Muscles ripple across his chest...

She gasps...

He whispers...

"Iron this, and get me something to eat...."
Sometimes my mind wanders, sometimes it leaves altogether!
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Postby Joo » Thu Mar 30, 2006 2:40 pm

:shock: How bizarre, I used to go out with him!!! :lol: :lol: Joo x
Smile - you might as well and it makes better looking wrinkles!!!
Joo
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 675
Joined: Fri Feb 24, 2006 10:19 pm
Location: The beautiful South West of England

Postby Joo » Thu Mar 30, 2006 4:16 pm

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately
spotted a large, beautiful parrot..

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should
tell you first that this bird used to live in a house
of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty
vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided
she had to have the bird anyway.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up
in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and
said "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,
but then thought "that's really not so bad."

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the
bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then
began to laugh about the situation considering how and
where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home
from work.

The bird looked at him and said,


"Hi, Keith!"
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Smile - you might as well and it makes better looking wrinkles!!!
Joo
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 675
Joined: Fri Feb 24, 2006 10:19 pm
Location: The beautiful South West of England

Postby Joo » Thu Mar 30, 2006 4:27 pm

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?" Artie said, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man." Merle commented, "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in peoples lives." Don said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'" :lol: :lol: Joo x
Smile - you might as well and it makes better looking wrinkles!!!
Joo
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 675
Joined: Fri Feb 24, 2006 10:19 pm
Location: The beautiful South West of England

Postby Joo » Thu Mar 30, 2006 4:54 pm

Test your eyes

ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST

Count every " F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

(SEE BELOW)




HOW MANY ?



...................... 3?

WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !

Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.


The reasoning behind is further down.








The brain cannot process "OF".

Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!



Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.

Send this to your friends.
It will drive them crazy.! And keep them occupied
for several minutes..!
Smile - you might as well and it makes better looking wrinkles!!!
Joo
UKFM Member
 
Posts: 675
Joined: Fri Feb 24, 2006 10:19 pm
Location: The beautiful South West of England

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