How to Cope With Black Days

Any tips on what helps you including alternative medicine.

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How to Cope With Black Days

Postby Hedgewitch » Wed Nov 18, 2009 4:26 pm

Hi,

Does anyone else suffer from Depression due to FMS and CFS? And if so, have you got any suggestions for how to cope with the Black Days? I'm in a bit of a pit today and am so fed up with myself for not being able to go to University due to not feeling well physically. I've been in a bit of a CFS slump for the past few days and no matter how I try to fight it I just can't. When I have a really down day I can't even use the phone -actually, what am I talking about, I haven't been able to use the phone for a couple of years now, eve the thought of making a phonecall makes me feel sick.

And yet, to the outside world, I'm this bright, bubbly, confident woman. I was meant to be giving a talk to a Masters of Literature Class on Elizabeth I's influence on the Arts and I was so looking forward to doing it and I know I would have felt a huge buzz from doing it. But, I couldn't go. Not because I was scared of doing it, just because I couldn't get out of bed. I'm exhausted and now I'm really down and trying to convince myself I'm not a failure. I'm trying every cognitive behavior technique in the book. Any tips anyone?

xxxx
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Re: How to Cope With Black Days

Postby gillshutt » Wed Nov 18, 2009 8:19 pm

There's a HUGE difference between being ill, as you are, and being a failure :hugs: You aren't doing it on purpose, you didn't ask to be ill so none of it is your fault.

Are you on anything for your depression, if not then perhaps try something. Have you had any counselling for your depression? It does sound as though you could do with some help. Just talking it through with someone can make a big difference.

If you need someone to talk to just pm me anytime, I'm on almost everyday :hugs:

In the mean time look at it as a day off, try not to think about what you aren't doing but concentrate on getting better. Pamper yourself, eat some chocolate or whatever helps. Maybe watch a film or read a good book... something to take your mind off how you are feeling. Watch Jeremy Kyle and thank god that's not you on there :lol: Sleep whenever you are tired, don't worry about not sleeping at night, any sleep is better than none so make the most of it while you can.

Don't think, I've missed out on things, think... I'm not going to do anything now but in the fuure I'll do it, at the moment I'm ill but when I feel better I can do x, y or z. You've missed out on giving your talk but something else will come along and you'll manage that fine.

It's ok to have down days, everyone has them, so don't feel a failure because of it... it's perfectly normal. But remember you won't always be down, there is going to be an up just round the corner. :hugs:
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Re: How to Cope With Black Days

Postby Hedgewitch » Wed Nov 18, 2009 11:28 pm

Gill,

Thank you so much! It was so kind of you to take the time to type all that. I'm really touched by that and this forum is a revelation to me. I can't believe I've been so lucky to find people who understand what I'm dealing with and that, even though everyone here is suffering too, they take time to support each other. I've never known anything like this.

Re: my depression, yup I take 60mg (the highest dose) of Duloxetine every day and see a Psychiatrist once every 3 months. I've tried hard over the past couple of weeks to keep myself going, hence me looking for then joining the forum. I just get stuck sometimes. I can't talk to people I know about how I feel. I've withdrawn and so my support networks seem to have melted away but I keep Samaritans in mind, thats my safety net. I've never used them but at least I know I can.

I find depression embarrissing. I don't know why. Maybe because Scottish people don't do emotion, maybe its why Scots drink so much? I don't talk on or answer the phone. I don't answer the door. I fight with myself every day in an attempt to make myself go out. I can create a million of excuses or chores so as not to make it over the front door. I am not who I used to be. Its worse when the tiredness comes and I honestly would not be here if I didn't have two children, I'd have been off a long time ago.

Took your advice about today, I ate some chocolate and had a long bath. Thank you again.

xxxxx
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Re: How to Cope With Black Days

Postby gillshutt » Thu Nov 19, 2009 8:13 am

That's what I'm here for, if I can help in any way you know where I am. Half way through my CBT course and have qualified in behavioural counselling so I can try my best to help if you need me :hugs:

One of the best things to do to start off is visualisation... imagine doing the thing that you hate (like going out or answering the phone) Sit somewhere quiet and just close your eyes and think about doing it, if it makes you stressed then stop but keep trying until you are comfortable with it. Then try something a bit more daring like walking round the block or ringing the speaking clock, something none threatening.

Gill :hugs:
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Re: How to Cope With Black Days

Postby Hedgewitch » Thu Nov 19, 2009 6:21 pm

Hi Gill,

Thanks again, you're suggestion to visualize is a good one and something I'd never thought about. I don't understand how I, a previously outgoing and extremely sociable person am now in the position of feeling sick at the thought of answering the phone. We moved to a new house in the summer and I haven't given anyone my new number so, if the phone rings I know its either my husband, mother-in-law or kids; and yet I still feel sick if I hear it. How did it get to this? I know its illogical and I feel stupid. I hide it, its a guilty secret -everyone thinks I'm fine.

As for the fear of going outside -prior to this I never even believed that Agraphobia existed. Funnily, I'm okay when I'm actually out -its getting over the threshold thats the problem. And if I know I have to attend some specific event I get worked up and sometimes don't make it. However, I will try your suggestion -it sounds helpful.

One last thing....does anyone else suffer from a complete lack of appetite? I seem to go all day without eating properly, I just eat biscuits and cakes and drink tea and I only eat them because they are available instantly. I have no interest in cooking or eating -none, and I used to have such a healthy diet. any suggestions as to how to get interested in food again.

Thanks for your time xxxxxx
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Re: How to Cope With Black Days

Postby Ange » Thu Nov 19, 2009 7:55 pm

I hesitate before answering....although like you it can only be certain people...so it's totally mad...

But I just put that down of one of my new found ecentricities, and ignore it... :tongueout:

I tend to ignore a lot these days, if it doesn't please me, or if it fazes me I ignore it.

I have a list of 'none people' too....anyone that I can't be bothered with....like constantly having to explain to the same person why I can't do something....so I just don't have anything to do with them and then I don't have to explain eh...:)

To me, there is enough going on in my mind and body without me adding the strains and stresses of other folks....:)

Try ignoring things....it works a treat... :P

Ang x
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Re: How to Cope With Black Days

Postby Hedgewitch » Thu Nov 19, 2009 8:11 pm

You know Ange,

You're so right! I have been thinking of myself as becoming increasingly eccentric! I also get FED UP of feeling I have to make excuses and have to repeatedly explain that 'no, I can't manage', 'why', 'because I have Fibromyalgia'. And then I can see in their face that they think I'm just making it up or copping out.

As if we would make up having Fibromyalgia!!!!!!! i MEAN, for goodness sake, if anyone was to 'choose' to have an illness in order to gain sympathy they wouldn't choose this one would they? Why would anyone want to have an illness that nobody understands and that most people seem to think is all in the mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, just a wee rant there!

Back to your point Ange, I think I will just relax and be me -'Fibromyalgia Me'. A bit eccentric, a bit aloof but deap-down, a fun person who's just having a wee bit of a hard time.

Thanks xxxx
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Re: How to Cope With Black Days

Postby Hedgewitch » Fri Nov 20, 2009 1:05 am

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhh, just when I thought I was coming out of the gloom up pops Facebook!!!!!

I can't come to terms with having Fibromyalgia. I've tried, for almost exactly 7 years I've tried and my attempts to accept FMS and its limitations always end up in tatters. I have been having a bad time over the past few weeks, so I do the things I've been advised to do -I reach out, I joined this forum, people are great to me, I start feeling better about myself and what I've managed to acheive despite this illness and then Bang! I look up Facebook tonight and there's my best-friend form my teenage years trying to contact me. Now, before I even type this I'm aware it's probably going to sound stupid and petty but she looks amazing!!!!!!!!!!! And last week my other best-friend (there was a group of 4 of us) was presenting on TV after having been on a series of The Apprentice and she looked incredible too. And you know, it made me feel so upset to see them. I loved them so much, then moved away and eventually lost touch and we all used to be so fit -we used to run and we used to dance and most of all we used to laugh. When I saw them again I saw my old life, my life before this THING took hold and I saw what it's done to me physically. They still run and dance and laugh; they have children too; they have successful relationships; successful careers and I have ANGER. Gut-churning anger and a sense of why me. And I know that's pathetic, and I know I could be much worse-off, I know I could be dying etc., etc. But, you know, sometimes I do feel I'm fighting for my life because I don't bloody want to live with this THING. And I don't want to try to come to terms with it because I want it to go away. I want my old life back. i want to be me again. I want to run and dance and laugh and work and achieve and you know what else? As pathetic as it might sound, I want to look beautiful again and I want to feel good inside and not feel like everything just slips through my fingers and straight down the drain.

Sorry about that everyone but I needed to get it out. xxxxx
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Re: How to Cope With Black Days

Postby gillshutt » Fri Nov 20, 2009 8:40 am

You can't tell from pictures what is going on in other people's minds. For all you know they are suffering from soemthing worse than FM ??? To look at most of us you would think there was nothing wrong, so saying they look so wonderful and being upset is doing exactly what we hate people doing to us... you don't look ill.

Why not contact them if they are that good friends then maybe you will get understanding from them. The one went out of her way to find you on facebook so she must think a lot of you otherwise why bother?

If it turns out they don't understand and are dragging you down then you don't have to talk to them again but you won't know if you don't try.

Gill x x
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Re: How to Cope With Black Days

Postby Hedgewitch » Fri Nov 20, 2009 9:27 am

Yeah, I know you're right and I wasn't angry for them for looking good, I was angry for missing out. We were runners and the thing I miss most about this thing is not being able to run anymore. They still run and are super-fit. I miss the social aspect of traveling places with groups of runners and the freedom experienced when running through a forest or along a beach.

I know they won't care that I'm fatter than I was or that I don't run anymore and you're right, they may have things going on in their lives. I'm not angry with them or what I may have perceived their lives to be, I'm angry with Fibromyalgia. And, I'm angry with health professionals who tell me I'll never get rid of this and that I can forget the thought of ever running again.

I was feeling sorry for myself last night. I guess I was faced with my past and reminded of who I used to be. I know we all change with time and I know my friends will have changed too but I'm ashamed of who I am and I have to come to terms with that. When I look back and look at myself now, I no longer recognize anything about myself -I feel robbed and I have to get rid of that feeling; 7 years on Im no nearer achieving that.

xxx
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Re: How to Cope With Black Days

Postby LinzWorld » Fri Nov 20, 2009 10:07 am

My answer to those doctors would be to do it in spite of them! I always hated running so never did it, but I am back using the elliptical machine and going hiking. :) Yah boo to all those people who told me I'd be buying a power wheelchair by the time I was 30! :twisted:
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Re: How to Cope With Black Days

Postby Hedgewitch » Fri Nov 20, 2009 10:19 am

Haha,

Its funny you should say that, a GP referred personal trainer told me I could forget ever running again and I'd be lucky if I ever got back on a bike -so, I went home, got my bike out and cycled past the gym!

Just have to get that fight back I guess.
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Re: How to Cope With Black Days

Postby LinzWorld » Fri Nov 20, 2009 11:45 am

Lol, that's the spirit! It's a lot of work, but it's worth it. :)
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Re: How to Cope With Black Days

Postby gillshutt » Fri Nov 20, 2009 3:51 pm

Although it hurts and makes you knackered it's not actually doing you any physical damage so if you want to and think you can manage then once in a while get out there and do it. There's no point in saying you can't so you won't do anything as that way leads to depression and a dark pit. Keep trying is my motto and I know I tell people to pace but I often don't take any notice of my own advice and over do things but if I didn't I wouldn't have much of a life.
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Re: How to Cope With Black Days

Postby Hedgewitch » Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:44 pm

I'm having huge problems with my feel. Seems I've had plantar faciitis and achillies tendonitis for around 8 years and its finally got to the stage where I can hardly walk. No specialist ever looked at my feet because they just worked on the assumption that FMS was the root cause of the pain. It wasn't and now I have a long road back to repair the damage that ensued from constantly walking on the torn tendons. So, walking is a pain and running is out.....for now. I dream about running and its magic so one day I know I'll do it again.

Thanks for your comments everyone. They've kept me going and I feel like I'm back on track again. xxx
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