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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - Supporting A Family Member



Supporting A Family Member

Any tips on what helps you including alternative medicine.

Moderators: perseus, *Lisa*, FluppyPuffy

Supporting A Family Member

Postby Belle » Mon Oct 09, 2006 11:10 am

I am very lucky not to have FM however, my mum has been recently diagnosed. I know she is in a lot of pain, has trouble sleeping and is becoming very depressed as a result.

I've asked her what, if anything, I can do to help and she rather dispondently replies that there is nothing I can do. So I thought I would ask other people... if there is one thing family members could do for you what would it be?

I hope you don't mind me posting and would really appreciate any advice you can give me. One thing I will do is pass on this web address from what I've read in the forum you all seem like really lovely, supportive people and hopefuly mum will take some comfort from speaking to you all. :D

Belle x
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Postby Helene » Mon Oct 09, 2006 12:30 pm

Hello Belle,

My advice would be to become a semi-expert in Fibro....Read as much up-to-date stuff as you can get hold of. Try not to panic, as most people dont get all the symptoms listed, maybe just a handful at a time.

Theres a really good site on the web with informational leaflets that you can print out. Type in "Devin's Diagnostic", in your browser. Its American, but they seem so much more clued up than over here. Theres a list of help sections on the left hand side. Its very good.

The thing with FMS is that its a relatively "new" disease, and so things are being discovered about it every day. Most doctors dont know as much as the patients themselves, and a good doctor will admit this. Its vital that youre mum has a GP who's knowledgable, sympathetic and on-hand.

Youve already done something great, simply by finding this site. Feel free to pick our brains anytime. I hope you and youre mum are ok, and best wishes.

Helene
xx
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Postby joyaura » Mon Oct 09, 2006 1:04 pm

Hi there Belle

I can only agree and add one thing too Helene's reply please dont wrap your Mum in cotten wool . My daughter does this and the moment we are have real problems , she doesnt ask me to go out , help her paint etc as she said
I don't not want to be responsable for making you hurt and fatigued - her words. I can understand this but , I, am sure like your mum , need to be treated as ok then let us fibromites deside what we can and do not do.Continue offering your help still asking your Mum to go out shopping or whatever you do together.
Take care of each other

Joy
You only get one first chance to met someone - smile and say hello
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Postby Belle » Tue Oct 10, 2006 3:27 pm

Thank you for your responses.

I will have a look at the website recommended.

I really appreciated the comment about not wrapping her in cotton wool. At the moment, if anything, I keep pushing her and telling her to go out for walks and swimming and such... although have wondered if this is the right thing.

I'm working on the basis that there is nothing I can do about the FM but I can help her state of mind!!!

Take care of yourselves
Belle x
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Re: Supporting A Family Member

Postby Artisan » Tue Oct 10, 2006 5:26 pm

Regards
Malcolm (UKFM Forum Admin)
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Postby AndreaC » Tue Oct 17, 2006 6:41 pm

hi Belle,

Emotional support is so precious to most firbromites. I am very lucky to have a loving husband and a mother and father-in-law that are really caring. its nice to be with people who have an understanding and who read these boards and other sites so that they are aware of what you are like and they canlook out of other symptoms you may not have noticed.

It's great that you are looking at this positively and doing research, as well as getting involved with the fibro community.

Allowing your mum to do as much or as little as she wants or can is a big thing. When you have this condition you are more than aware of the downsides, but if you are stopped from doing things not only do you give up on doing the harder jobs, but you also get depressed very quickly, and depression is no ones best friend.

I would say this. Take what your mum says with a pinch of salt when it comes to the pain... if she is like most of us, she will tell you she is fine when the pain is bad, and tell you the pain is bad when she is having the worst day ever. If you watch her you can get tell tale signs of the type of day she is really having - my husband let it slip that this is something he had done, and he is pretty accurate too - although he doesn't always let me know that he knows I am down playing it! but knowing more about the condition will help you help her when she is having a bad day or bad week.

Keep in touch with us here, we are on hand for advice and for a shoulder when you need it. This condition effects us, but it also hurts those around us, because they have to watch us go through it.. You need support too.

take care

A
I usually try to take things one day at a time, but lately several days have ganged up and attacked me at once ;)
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Postby AndreaC » Tue Oct 17, 2006 6:42 pm

Sorry, that was the worlds most long winded post :(
I usually try to take things one day at a time, but lately several days have ganged up and attacked me at once ;)
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Postby joyaura » Tue Oct 17, 2006 8:03 pm

long winded maybe , but GOOD . I think you are so right we do try and cover up our pain and how we feel . I too am lucky that my husband and family can see when my days are real bad.
We try to laugh a lot about the silly things I do, even my 8 yr old G/son laughs and says --- did the music start ----- when I tumble but also puts out his shoulder for me to steady myself .
I feel very safe and relaxed in the company of other Fibromites maybe you could engourage your Mum to met with others .

Take care Joy x x
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Postby ozfm » Tue Nov 14, 2006 11:20 am

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Postby Kristine » Tue Nov 14, 2006 5:56 pm

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Postby ozfm » Tue Nov 14, 2006 9:36 pm

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Postby ladynina » Tue Jan 09, 2007 8:59 pm

hi does anyone else have pangs of guilt for being ill?? i find myself watching my kids play fight with their step dad and feel guilty as i cant join in as im hurting too much or too tired.
my 7 year old is so sweet he holds my hand when i get up out the chair and guides me to the loo etc i cant help feeling guilty as it should be me helping him do things. :(
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