off my head!

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off my head!

Postby welshmel » Thu Oct 01, 2009 8:02 am

ok another rant (sorry!) i dont know whether this is related to fibro or is this just me? i have had a terrible few weeks. my son crashed my car (he was fine) but the car isnt! I lost my 2 week old engagement ring, then my computer just stopped working ( i took it apart which didnt help! :yikes: )then one of my neighbours reported my son for having no tax on his car (he just bought it so the tax was on its way from dvla!) Well i just sort of had a complete head fit :crazy: i cried and shouted and screamed that everything in life goes wrong for me! :needhug: well my lovely partner is the best man ever he talked to me and i told him if anyone else tells me to be positive i will ram there head up their A*** :oops: he told me that everyone has bad luck not just me but im convinced its me and i felt like i couldnt go on. I had serious thoughts about death and after a long think i came out with a corker! (its me!) whats the point in being born if you get s**t all your life then you die? well i think he gave up on me at that point! he hugged me and told me to remember my children my mum my siblings and how would they feel if anything happened to me!
i explained that i wouldnt actually do anything but im wondering how i got to feeling this bad! im on anti depressants the next day my joints were in agony and i was totally exhausted and although my mood felt slightly better i still cant get over the fact that i was thinking like that !what is going on ? :banghead:
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Re: off my head!

Postby miajane » Thu Oct 01, 2009 10:09 am

Hi Welshmel,
I'm sorry to hear you are having a bad of it at mo here's a :hugs:

It's not just you these things happen to everyone but for us fibromites the stress is so much harder to deal with because it can cause a flare and we know it.
You should talk to your dr as it could be your meds or combination of meds that are causing your black moods. One of the side-effects of many anti-depressants is suicidal thoughts so you really should get that checked out.

I've not had it easy, been partially deaf since I was a kid, my kids dad became a violent alcoholic and has never supported his kids since I divorced him after 16 years. I've struggled really hard working all hours to bring up 3 kids on my own and now fibro. I expect your story is similar and when we have a run of bad luck it's easy to feel like it's not worth it. I ask myself why me? loads of times & I Know you are fed up with hearing this but in the end I always try to think of the positive things in my life.

It sounds like you have a lovely partner and family who are supportive and there for you. We all know the destination but it's the journey the counts try to enjoy as much as you can. I try now to ride with the bad stuff and take great pleasure in simple things like watching a film with my daughter or watching a squirrel in the garden.
Take care
Mia xx
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Re: off my head!

Postby velvet » Thu Oct 01, 2009 12:32 pm

hello welshmel sorry you are going through a tough time at the moment. the old saying trouble comes in 3s isnt too far off the mark - if sometimes you put a zero after the 3.

as you said you are going to get people who love you and care for you telling you to think positive, and look at all the people that love you.

i have something a bit different to say - i do care and this is what made all the difference years ago when i had signs of depression. i cannot for the life of me remember if it was a book or a person - i just know it is what worked for me.

you have had serious thoughts about death - and i guess have been feeling that maybe death is a way out and might be worth doing. that is absolutely fine - yes you did read that right, i said its OK to think and feel like that. all you have to realise is that thoughts and feelings might be really nasty, but they have no power, they cant hurt you. only actions can hurt you and it is you who controls actions. lots of people have really strong feelings, and if frightens them, especially if they think the feeling is "bad" - so they try to fight them. the fighting of feelings can be the biggest cause of depression - you end up with no feelings left , life goes grey - and that was the point that i came closest to suicide - and so do many others. what i read or was told is that feelings arent good or bad - they just are. they cant hurt me - yes they can feel nasty and unpleasant but thats all. the best way to deal with feelings is to not fight them but allow them, examine them, feel them - then put them down and do something else, you can always go back to them. dont try to deny a feeling, or run away - often we will do that automatically, and that causes stress. when we find ourselves stressed it is good to stop and go ok what i am i feeling - mad sad scared joyful, humourous, fed up, bored - (yes we do deny "good" feelings in the "wrong" place - a loved relatives funeral and it is sunny and spring, you might feel good, and try to stop yourself feeling good cause its the "wrong" place).

as you have had so much happen the last week try sitting quietly and letting yourself feel all the different things one at a time - when you have felt them you can put them down - your son crashed the car - maybe you feel relief, anger, guilt (that flash of i told him that would happen gosh how can i think that he could have died) self pity (i am stuck without a car) the lost engagement ring - guilt sorrow anger, maybe other things - open yourself feel them admit them to yourself - the computer frustration guilt (why dont i know enough to fix it) your neighbour - probably years of feelings there.

try not to think of a feeling as good or bad - just accept them as being - even ones about death. if you accept them you remove their power - you arent fighting them any more - and remember that a feeling can make you think about doing something - but it cant make you do it - you can decide what actions you take.
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Re: off my head!

Postby smiler22 » Thu Oct 01, 2009 1:30 pm

bless you honey. i know at times we all feel like we cant go on and why does this happen to us. me?
my own family have been plagued by bad luck. when i was little we had seven years of really bad luck. family members going through real bad illnesses, some bless them passed on, mum and dad was ill, money was hard as with illness family couldnt work. ive had to have intensive physio from 2years old, and also regular hospital trips for that and other health probs. then we had a run of a few good years. with a few hap hazards like everyone. then i went and gofm at the same time as a very dea friend was dying from cancer.
so i couldnt really get my head round the fm as felt guilty when our friend was dying.

i could go into so much detail of things that have gone worng. but i dont want to put my whole life onto the net. i would just be in so many tears.

but as ive said before. i did and have had suicidal thoughts but i only have to know that my loving family and friends at that would be heartbroken if i did.

i went awol one night becasue i couldnt cope with boyfriend trouble but the pain it caused to my family and friends soon made me realise how much i meant and mean to them that i could nt put them through it again. i did intend to come home again i just didnt tell them where i was going or for how long for.

i know some of the tablets we take and yourself can cause suicidal effects. but you need to keep your head up storong. and not only do you need to be there for your family and friends you also have to put your self first.
you depend on yur family as much as they do on you. that is why you are a family. so tell them how you feel and get things of your chest dont bottle it. (yep i need to listen to that one lol) see your gp and he may be able to help .

take care for now hun xxxx
live life to the full as life is what you make itxx
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Re: off my head!

Postby gillshutt » Fri Oct 02, 2009 6:56 am

Velvet has given you some good advice there. It is perfectly normal to have feelings like this when things get bad and with the depression, pain and problems you have had it's no wonder. What you shouldn't do is beat yourself up about getting in such a low mood.

I've often looked at the pile of tablets I have and wondered if I should just take them all. I wouldn't as I know there are a lot of people who would be devastated and it would mean not seeing my kids grow up etc etc. There are a lot of reasons not to but that doesn't stop us feeling that way sometimes.

When you need to worry... you consider taking your loved ones with you, you are convinced they would be better off without you, you don't care what other people think, you think everyone hates you for being a burden... I'm sure there are a few more but you get the gist and it's a bit early in the morning.

Thoughts about death are NORMAL so don't worry about it... just come on here and talk to us and we'll see you right :hugs:
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Re: off my head!

Postby welshmel » Fri Oct 02, 2009 9:32 am

well thanks for all your posts :D i feel a bit silly now thinking back on it but i am better and all is sorted with my trivial problems ring was insured got another one now ! bought a second hand apple mac pc at a bargain! and would just like to thank you all for listening to my rant.
off to the drs now to sort out my meds !
im feeling positive !
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Re: off my head!

Postby shazq » Fri Oct 02, 2009 10:07 am

Good luck with your GP.
Hope things start to improve for you. :hugs:
Once your new meds kick in you should start to feel better.
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Re: off my head!

Postby Mr.A » Sat Oct 03, 2009 9:20 pm

welshmel wrote:...if anyone else tells me to be positive i will ram there head up their A***

:lol: :clap:
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