Anxiety

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Re: Anxiety

Postby bookworm » Sat Nov 28, 2009 12:19 pm

Hedgewitch hun,

I am so proud of you :) :clap: :clap: :clap:

One of these days when I'm feeling brave I'ii come to that tea shop with you - we can hold each others hand and be brave for one another :) Hope the sell chocolate cake - or in fact any cake that's filled with cream and is pretty gooey :wink: :lol:
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Re: Anxiety

Postby princess » Sat Nov 28, 2009 2:14 pm

Well done Hedgewitch one little step thats wonderful.
The worst about Anxiety apart from the feeling you are about to die, is the electric feeling - i felt someone had an el;ectric current perm running all about my body - it was horrible.
To be scared with anxiety is a dreadful state - but if people were honest aobut it we would know a lot more people who have had it, or who suffere from it - after all like FB there is nothing to see its all internal.
But you can come through it - look at me - 3 times now - and im ok again - im not brave, im not special, i am just a normal woman , living a normal life, but with ME/Fibro and occasionally anxiety/depression when times get tough!
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Re: Anxiety

Postby Hedgewitch » Sat Nov 28, 2009 6:08 pm

Hey Bookworm and Princess, thanks for the support and yes -you can come with me for cake any time you like! I have a big day ahead on Wed and it involves taking a bus and a train then a taxi to get to a small social gathering then after that I have a PhD supervision meeting. I'm dreading it already but i HAVE to go, there's no way out of it. I can feel my heart racing even as I type this. I know I'll have to start getting organized tonight for going on Wed. I'll need to work out what I'm taking, make sure I have a gift for the host, get some festive cards written, work out what to wear -that's not to mention the work I'll have to have written up and evidence of future chapter plans. Funnily enough, the academic meeting doesn't faze me its the bus, train, taxi journey that gets me and then there's the getting back home.

Also, we have an electrical fault in the house and my OH needs me to phone his friend who's an electrician -I just can't do it. I can't use the phone. I'd do anything not to phone him. What's wrong with me? He's a lovely guy I'll only have to talk to him for a minute of two -I just can't do it. And I know I have to because OH is offshore and he'll get annoyed that I haven't phoned and he won't understand and he'll think I'm being stupid. i mean, how can i be afraid to talk on the phone? But I do, I actually feel sick.

On a positive note. I went out into the garden today. I raked up leaves and took tidied things up a bit and it was re-energizing. I plan to start trying to go into the garden every day.

Thanks again you guys, its so lovely to know people understand and care -and you're all going through the mill too; thanks guys xxxxxx
'to thine own self be true'
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Re: Anxiety

Postby princess » Sat Nov 28, 2009 8:20 pm

That is the main aim of this forum, to help support others when you can, and to get support yourself when you cant! Amen....
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Re: Anxiety

Postby bookworm » Sat Nov 28, 2009 11:31 pm

You're welcome hedgewitch hun :) I'll be thinking of you on wednesday and will be there holding your spiritual hand all the way there and all the way back. When the feelings start to rise, just think about that big gooey cream cake we are going to have one day :shock: :D

As for the phone, could you get a close friend or neighbour to dial and connect for you then you take over - this is what I have to get my hubs to do sometimes. I know ridiculous, but if it sorts out the issue then we do whatever we need to. Just a thought.
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Re: Anxiety

Postby smiler22 » Sun Nov 29, 2009 1:26 am

i have had anxiety on and off all my life. i get very worried about things if i dont know what exaclty is gonna happen. like leadin gup to an operation. if theyve not explained it in full only when i get there i woory for days before hand. and get anxious.... i also get pannic attacks sometimes. for instance when my dad was taken to hospital with a possible heart attack i nearly eneded up in the bed next to him on oxygen. i get anxiety now probably more since fibro as i panic sometimes on if i go out, do i need my wheelchair or am i gonna be ok. or if i go out with friends i try that little bit harder then end up suffering. i suppose over exherting myself.
am i going ot be ok while im out or do i need to keep near a toilet if my ibs is playing up. i odnt want to let my family or friends down if at the last minute i have to say sorry im having a bad day i cant make it to xyz.
live life to the full as life is what you make itxx
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Re: Anxiety

Postby princess » Sun Nov 29, 2009 7:27 pm

I am sending love to you all - and spiritual support to anyone who needs it.
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Re: Anxiety

Postby Hedgewitch » Tue Dec 01, 2009 1:43 am

Once again, thank you all so much for your understanding and support! I know you all say that this is the point of the forum but, Having spent years struggling to understand FMS and struggling to get others to understand me -its been a huge relief to find you lot.

I've been quiet for a couple of days because I've been writing and putting my working bibliography together and believe me, that takes ages. By the time I finished it today I had sore eyes, a sore neck, infact -just about everything was sore BUT doing it made me realize that immersing muself in something like that makes me forget about being scared and sad and tired. Don't get me wrong, I find it exhausting and physically painful but the joy (yes, I said joy) I get from doing it is incredible! I forgot what joy felt like until today and I realized that researching and writing is a wonderful distraction and when I create something I feel fulfilled. I'd forgotten that. It sounds mad but I'd become so anxious about writing that I'd stopped writing but, when I threw myself in there again in order to meet a deadline I left the anxiety behind -I just had to get on with it.

Lots of people ask me 'why are you doing a PhD?', 'what's the point?' and I when they ask me I feel small -you wouldn't believe the negative comments I get about it, it seems to annoy people. I get comments like 'when are you going to get a real job?' And I get upset but laugh it off but inside I'm screaming 'I would get a bloody job if I could work like a normal human being!!!!!!'. However, today I remembered why I'm doing this -I'm doing this because I love it! And, I am in a position where I can do it. I'm doing what I love. We all have a childhood dream right? Well I'm doing mine, I always wanted to do this, I'm living my dream. Today it struck me -'how lucky am I?'. I research, I write about things that no-one has written about before, I get to touch 500yr old documents, I get to learn something new every day. And, academia humbles me because the longer I spend learning the more I realize that there's sooooo much I don't know. OK, I have FMS and its crap but, if I hadn't have got this I would be a secondary school teacher who would be wishing I was doing what I'm doing now.

Today, I felt lucky for the first time in such a long time. I've had some dark days recently and you guys have helped pull me through.....and today was a good day. As for Wednesday, I will think of you all willing me on when I'm forcing myself outside. I'm lucky and today I felt it -what a good day.

thanx xxxxxx
'to thine own self be true'
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Re: Anxiety

Postby bookworm » Tue Dec 01, 2009 3:28 am

What a beautiful and uplifting post hun - ignore those that try to make you feel small by asking you why you are doing a phd - if you are enjoying it then that is good enough reason to keep doing it. I wish you every success in the future - wherever that takes you.

Now I need to go find out why there is something tapping on the bathroom wall which adjoins our bedroom - it sounds like the light cord/pull, but it is coming from the wrong end of the wall for that and I know that no one has just been to the bathroom as I gave birth to ballet dancing hippos, none of them know how to tiptoe :lol:

Speak to you soon Hugs xx
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Re: Anxiety

Postby gillshutt » Tue Dec 01, 2009 8:22 am

Yay you :D I am the same re course work, I put it off feeling that I can't do it but when I do it gives such a sense of achievement. Which reminds me.... I reallyy should do my next assignment, I've put it off too long :(
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Re: Anxiety

Postby Hedgewitch » Wed Dec 02, 2009 3:58 am

Hey gillshut, hope you get the coursework done and have fun doing it! I've just finished a load of stuff and am about to head off to bed -if I'm lucky I may even reach the Land of Nod!!!!!

Today has been a wonderful day, filled with lovely people who've done surprising things for me and to top it all -it snowed!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what's happened but I feel much more positive this week, I'm thinking it must have something to do with no longer feeling isolated, you've all made a difference and I think things may be looking up. I mentioned on another post that a lovely wee chap in the village came round and handed in a lovely gift for me today. It was an amazing surprise and such a lovely thing to do. The world seems to be filled with lovely people all of a sudden. I wonder it they were always there but I was just not looking up?

Still feel lucky, love to all and lots of festive sparkles too xxxxxx
'to thine own self be true'
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Re: Anxiety

Postby Julie Dean » Thu Dec 03, 2009 1:21 am

Didn't know it was Fibro that caused it but yes have had this for years.
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Re: Anxiety

Postby Hedgewitch » Thu Dec 03, 2009 12:58 pm

It's strange isn't it Julie? I never realized that Fibromialgia caused my anxiety, until I saw a specialist, either. Before FMS I was one of these people who was always calm in a storm; the one who everyone came to in times of trouble and who always had soothing words for everyone. My ex used to say that our house was like a drop-in centre. Then, I got FMS and anxiety kicked in as a result of worrying about IBS and whether I could make it to toilets in time if I was out; whether I would stink out someone's house if I had to use their toilet in a hurry; whether I'd feel sick; whether I would be able to find a seat in pubs or restaurants; whether I would be able to find anyhthing to eat that wouldn't upset me; whether I could sit through a whole lecture; whether I'd feel well enough to cope with the visitors my husband had invited to stay over etc, etc, etc.

I underestimated the fact that, once FMS took over my life, I slowly slid into a pit of constant anxiety. Now, I understand where it came from and why I worry but I still worry -be good if someone could switch a lever and make it all stop. Controlling the IBS has helped a great deal -now I can go on a short bus journey, for example. IMS had crippled me for years until Gabapentin came along, as soon as I started taking it the spasms in my bowel stopped -fantastic stuff.

Oh -update on yesterday for those of you who were sending me positive vibes -they worked!!!! I was worrying about the bus being late and was about to slip into a cycle of worry, which usually accompanies my going out anywhere and then a thought popped into my head -I thought, it's okay, the girls are with you and they're sending their love, and you know what? I calmed right down; got myself ready and off I jolly-well went. I made it to University, had my meeting -which went fantastically well- went off to a festive-gathering AND I had a wonderful day with lovely people!

Thanks everyone!!!!!!
Much love, J xxxxx

PS: Having read many posts on this site, I realize many of you are suffering in a big way with IBS. I know how it feels and I'm sorry for all of you -you have my best wishes.
'to thine own self be true'
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Re: Anxiety

Postby *Lisa* » Thu Dec 03, 2009 1:51 pm

I am so glad we are all helping you :hugs:
As a Public Moderator & Admin of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia...Lisa
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Re: Anxiety

Postby shazq » Thu Dec 03, 2009 10:52 pm

Thats great news Hedgewitch.
Glad you enjoyed your day out. :hugs:
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Fibromyalgia Awareness Day May 12TH.
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