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The UKFibromyalgia Forums • View topic - Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief



Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

All your fibromyalgia experiences, questions and answers.

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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Patched » Sun Jan 20, 2013 1:15 am

Hi Paul, I'm new to the FM forum & still finding my way around the FM site. I tried to post a reply to you yesterday but had to close my computer quickly. I thought I'd saved it as a draft but it seems to have disappeared. Computers don't like me!!
I read your earlier notice and I just wanted to send my condolences to you. Even without FM, or any other chronic illness, to lose your wife and brother in such a short period of time must be a horrendous experience to go through. I have also experienced the loss of loved ones, and I have found, at least in my experience, that the age old saying of time being a great healer to be mostly true. I hope that over time you find it to be a healer too.
By the way Paul, I was just recently diagnosed with FM. I don't know what stage of grief I'm at at the moment as far as my FM is concerned, but I'm sure I'll find 'where I'm at', and I WILL learn to deal with my FM.
When I read your notice it stopped me feeling so sorry for myself, and I'm really also wanting to say thank you for being brave enough to write your experience for me and others to read. Best wishes to you. Steve.
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Iceskatemum » Sun Jan 20, 2013 3:58 am

Have gone back to this post just to read what others say and can't believe I was so niave way back when I post in July. I am still grieving for the life I could have had and the various changes this horrid illness has dumped on me and my family. By not gaining acceptance I find it difficult to pace myself which in turn means that I tend to do too much adn then become this emotional & physical wreck.
Can I ask others who have been down this road before me ...how long till you accepted the new you and learnt to live within your new constraints.

Paul So sorry to hear of your recent bereavements ....to loose either one of these special people from your life would be difficult but to loose the two of them so close together must bring you increased stress & grief . I hope you find the support you need from others in your life both on a day to day basis and from your virtual friends on this forum. As Patched says having also lost a sibling I can empathise with your loss to some extent and would add time does indeed bring its own healing for your loss.

Leona, I can also empathise with your feelings of anger and being cheated from what might have been regarding your Dx. However please don't think you are nothing special , you have already shown that you have a caring nature and by introducing the Daily SIT have brought smiles and laughter into the lives of many on the forum.

Take care both of you

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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby denys » Sun Jan 20, 2013 8:06 am

ISM we tend to revisit each stage many times and can often feel we have reached a final stage of acceptance only for something to send us back to anger or disbelief so dont be disappointed if you find yourself dipping in and out of each emotion as I for one still do on and off
Denys

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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Iceskatemum » Sun Jan 20, 2013 11:11 am

Thanks Denys,for reassuring me that all I am feeling is normal ........it sometimes feels like a never ending roller coaster trip .
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby FluppyPuffy » Sun Jan 20, 2013 11:26 am

It's difficult to say how long it takes to reach the Holy Grail of Acceptance ISM. You know how long I've been on my quest, and at times I think I'm within touching distance of it, only to have something else rear its ugly head and knock me back again :waiting: :waiting: I hope I'll finally be settled with how my life has turned out at some point, but wondering how long it could take me to get there sends me :pull-hair: :pull-hair: :scream-1: :scream-1: :too-upset: :too-upset: So for the moment, I just try to get the best out of each day that I can. Not ideal, but I now know that it's the best way for me to manage things with how I currently am.


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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Cozmicfairy » Tue Feb 19, 2013 11:30 pm

Can someone please make this 'thing' go away!! I've had it 3 weeks (or at least known what it was), I'd rather go back to not knowing!! :(
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby sweetie pie » Fri Mar 29, 2013 10:56 pm

Great post shaz,and you are spot on fluppypuffy it takes years to except it xox
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby moomoos » Sat Mar 30, 2013 5:34 pm

I dont even know if its sunk in yet :cry:
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby LouLou » Sun Mar 31, 2013 3:31 pm

I have to say I agree with denys.

Though I have come to somewhat acept FM and his is what I have and life won't be the same again, I do still get moments of denial when I push myself too hard thinking I can do it all when the next day by body tells me no you can't" I still get angry when I have to turn down offers of nights out because of the pain and I know everyone will be out having fun and I'm at home in pain, I still cry when it gets too much.

I don't think I will ever get to be totally 100% ok with FM, but I have made some positive changes in my life and I am doing the best I can with what I have. Granted I can't go out clubbing and getting hammered tearing up the dance floor of a Saturday night but to be honest I'm nearly 30 now and that kind of thing just doesn't appeal to me anymore anyway.

I am grateful I can still work, though I've had to cut my hours and we have a lot less money but we cope with what we have and we still have a roof over our heads and food in our tummies.

For the last few years and even before FM I really wanted to get married and have a few lickle ones an though FM is making those things a bit harder for me I am still going to get married and have a few lickle ones because I won't let FM take those 2 things away from me.

I have days where I can be so positive and determined and there are days where I will curl up and cry. I think I will always have those bad moments but there is nothing wrong with that at all. I used to think there was something wrong with me crying and getting down and upset, now I know that it is normal to feel like that when coping with constant pain.

This forum has been one of the main things that has impacted my life in such a positive way. It has helped me realise that no matter what I feel on any particular day, there is always someone else on here who has at one point felt the exact same way.
What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger ;-)
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby janlou » Wed May 01, 2013 7:13 pm

Hi I have just found this post....I am still at the ANGERY stage :too-upset: Been very weepy today and very quiet with my husband. Feel so guilty about not been their for him and my family..I have 3 children 21, 17 and 14, I just dont do anything with them, totally miss my independence, my job, my friends, my old "me".

I wish I could go back to how I was, however I know I cant....I have few close friends who understand and are there for me. But they is 1 who just takes the "MICK" she texts and says......" the sun is shinning you must be happy today?",.....if only it was that simple.

Do any one on here suffer from lower back pain, and pain in their hips....? This really gets to me and I find that I struggle alot, also I have gained alot of weight, and I am finding it hard to lose it...Would like to talk to ppl just like me, sorry for the moan...

Jan :-?
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby FluppyPuffy » Wed May 01, 2013 7:39 pm

Jan, what you're experiencing with the "friend", feeling weepy and angry are things that most of us on here have experienced at different points along the way, so you're not alone :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

I have problems with hip and lower back pain at times, yesterday it was affecting me to such a point that OH was wondering what was taking me so long to :penguin: :penguin: :penguin: :penguin: part of the way up the garden to him :oops: :facepalm: And he's got used to seeing me in all sorts of states over the years :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: When it strikes, I find warmth/heat can help make things a little more manageable. A soak in a warm bath can help relax things a little, or for more of an immediate relief, using a heated wheaty bag that you can zap in the microwave or a hottie bottie on an affected area can make a difference

As for weight gain, it;s something that seems to affect quite a lot of us, in fact there is a thread currently running about it if you want to have a look, as well as other older ones as it;s something that comes up on a regular basis.

Whilst we aren't physically here for each other, we are here in a cyber way with lots of understanding and support :blowkiss: :blowkiss: :blowkiss: so if there's something on your mind or you just want a rant or a moan, just join in with the rest of us by either adding your bit to a thread that is already running or starting one of your own off. With us all sharing so many similar experiences and things, there's a good chance you'll get a number of replies from others who have been there or are in a similar place/state themselves.


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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby Iceskatemum » Wed May 01, 2013 11:25 pm

Janlou your post mirrors my life to a t. My children slightly older but the feelings of loss and at times despair are still there a year after DX.

When the low mood strikes I feel so much less as a person ,I have always been in a job and when necessary have worked more than one.

My family relationships have also suffered and like you have found out who my true friends are.

I also suffer from lower back pain and find if I can get on top of this it also seems to help the FM.see if you can get suffered to a pain clinic by GP but try some of the other things FP has suggested as well.
.
Just try and remember that there will be good times again,different than before but with new opportunities.

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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby BonnGayle » Wed Jul 10, 2013 1:33 pm

I had prepared myself for an arthritis diagnosis and instead got one of Fibro ..my Gp has suggested some councilling to help me gain acceptance , has anyone gone down that path and had positive results ?
Fibro,PCOS,Asthma,excema and Dyspraxia ( undiagnosed because it didnt exist then )
what does'nt kill us just makes us stronger!
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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby FluppyPuffy » Wed Jul 10, 2013 2:05 pm

I've had counselling as well as a number of therapy sessions and found them helpful. Whilst it doesn't make things go away, it does give you the chance to explore the things that are affecting you and helps with devising strategies to help you cope with them when they rear their ugly little heads again.

It's not a magic fix~all, but can give you some extra bits to help you manage things a little better. It doesn't suit everyone, but it might be worth giving it a go to see what you can get from it.


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Re: Fibromyalgia Stages of Grief

Postby BonnGayle » Wed Jul 10, 2013 3:52 pm

Im at the angry and frustarated with myself stage Im trying pacing and was doing quite well then I had a long 2 days and I went into flare mode which spawned a new symptom for me ,a visual migraine I need to slow down and do things right and I feel like Im fighting with myself all the time , which is totally nuts
Fibro,PCOS,Asthma,excema and Dyspraxia ( undiagnosed because it didnt exist then )
what does'nt kill us just makes us stronger!
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