I don't know what to do any more

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I don't know what to do any more

Postby Katie Louise » Fri Nov 08, 2013 12:04 am

I was officially diagnosed with fms last Christmas but they think I've had it over 4 years I feel like I am constantly at the doctors to the point that my 4 1/2 year old daughter has comented saying mummy you always go to the doctors why can't I go. Makes me feel worse hearing things like that. I have finally come to a point where I don't know what to do any more I am in so much pain and constantly exhausted, my husband says he will help me round the house and with the house work etc but never actually does. I feel like I can't go on any more doing the house work, working 2 days a week, looking after a 4 year old and a 2 year old, trying to finish my degree, I feel that no matter how many times I try to explain my husband he either doesn't seem to care or doesn't understand depending on what mood he is in. Any advice?

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Re: I don't know what to do any more

Postby csangel » Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:09 am

Hi Katie Louise,

I really feel for you. :cry: Children are really perceptive and pick up on a lot of things. But this doesn't make you a bad parent, you just have to do things differently.

I had a conversation with my hubby just last night about the housework. Tried to explain things better this time, rather than just moaning at him - never works :roll: I tried to put it in perspective by comparing what he does, to what I do, and then add in the fibromyalgia on top of that so that he can see it my way. I've also tried to be frank and said I really need him to step up and do more. It is hard though, and as much as we explain they never will understand exactly how we feel. :nono:

Have you tried sitting down, when there's a bit of time, and explaining things to him? Try asking him what he understands about how you cope, and put it in perspective? We've also started trying something else: where he looks me in the eyes and asks me how I am. Not just "hows things", in passing, where I usually automatically go "fine thanks, you? " Actually meaning to ask how I am and wanting to know. Just gives him a little insight into if it's a good or bad day and he can try and tailor things around that. :crazy:

We've only just started trying this, and I was diagnosed in January, so it does take time. Takes time for them to accept it too, as well as you. :yikes:

There's always a listening ear here if you need one to have a moan and let off steam! :crazy:

Good luck!
Health is not valued until sickness comes. ~Thomas Fuller
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Re: I don't know what to do any more

Postby felinefine » Sun Nov 10, 2013 2:43 am

Hi Katie Louise

Welcome Hun, I'm not sure what the answer is as I live alone, but in the end if you don't get help something has to give, and the house work sounds the most obvious. I cant care for my house and garden like I used to, its frustrating but I can't keep on top of it all the time, I do like a 'top show' slowly wiz the hoover round as I have 6 cats here. I have been upset before about it to my sister who said she would come and help with the deep clean now and again, but she's busy and it hasn't happened, and I can't ask.

Talking with him I think is the only answer, it's all part of you both accepting the changes and making compromises. Good like with the degree xx
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Re: I don't know what to do any more

Postby denys » Sun Nov 10, 2013 2:30 pm

Hi Katie Louise and :welcome: to the forum :cow-wave: :cow-wave: Maybe print out the post 'one for the non-believers' Shaz the member who wrote it doesnt mind it being shared to help others understand. Get your OH to read it and maybe it will help him understand a little.

Another very useful post is 'the spoon theory' this will help you and others understand why we need to conserve our energy for important things, fibro feeds on stress so (easier said than done I know) try to relax, 'dont sweat the small stuff' and hopefully you will find your fibro a bit more managable :-D :-D :-D

As a Public Moderator of this forum my opinions/views expressed are personal and are no more valid than those of other members and not necessarily those of UKFibromyalgia.
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