Mind Full: Communication

by Kayleigh Roberts and Christine Harris

Showing up for ourselves by communicating compassion is vital in these sensitive times. We are all going through challenges right now, together and apart. When we don’t check in with ourselves and take care, we are likely to feel submerged with negativity.

Timing is everything. It’s not the time to assume nothing is going on with those in our lives or that they have loads of free time to help out with projects and listen to rants. Likewise, it is not our responsibility to bend over backwards and rush to solve the world’s problems; saying no is a form of self care.

Let’s check in with ourselves and check in with each other. Now is the time that we need to ask each other before venting if the recipient consents to being the recipient of swaths of ongoing negativity. It's perfectly alright to politely decline physical or emotional labou. In order to take care of yourself, you must remember to seek positivity in these trying times.

Make Time for Yourself.

We need to keep our feelings, needs, and responsibilities in check before going out of our way to take care of others. Listen to your body. Prioritize self-care, light exercise, nutrition, and fun into your routine.

Give Yourself Compassion.

Be gentle with yourself. 2020 presented challenges we had no way of anticipating. At the end of the year, some of us are still trying to figure out what to do and how to keep it all together. It feels isolating to deal with these issues while physically distanced from your usual support groups. You’re not alone in feeling lonely. The best laid plans of 2019’s new years eve’s resolutions often went awry. Being hard on yourself for whatever reason will not help you right now. Do yourself a favor and treat yourself with kindness.

Check In.
What’s going on with you? How are you feeling today? It’s easy to go through the day without noticing until after someone has asked how you are and after you’ve automatically responded that you’re alright, hardly giving it a thought. When you’re aware of your emotions, you are better able to communicate effectively with others without projecting your feelings onto unwarranted situations. Checking in with your emotions gives you the power to assess and better your situation.

Own Your Feelings.
If you feel upset as a reaction to what someone said to you, calmly let them know. Clarify what words or actions took place and how you felt as a result. People often have no idea how their words and actions affect others; when you speak from your perspective it may help them see themselves and treat you and others with more respect.

Speak Your Truth.

The best way to reach a mutual understanding is by clearly voicing your wants, needs, expectations, and boundaries as well as listening to others’ perspectives and feedback.

Passive Communication values others but not yourself, which is not healthy for either party. Assertive Communication values yourself and others by setting healthy boundaries, voicing your truth, and listening to others. Aggressive Communication values yourself without showing care for those around you. Assertive Communication enables everyone to reach a healthy balance and discover ways to interact in mutually beneficial ways.

I Take Responsibility for Myself.
It’s never your responsibility to make someone else happy. Although we may feel obligated to bend over backwards to help, we lack the ability to do their emotional work for them. I am responsible for my emotions, actions, and reactions. I do not have power over others’ emotions, actions, and reactions; that is their responsibility.

Set Boundaries.

We may feel temporary validation for taking care of others’ responsibilities, but overstepping into another’s responsibilities will likely result in constant demands for assistance. It’s best to empower others to be responsible for their own feelings, actions, and commitments. Saying no and letting others know you are unable to take on their responsibilities sets a healthy boundary for now and for the future.

Empower Others to Tackle their Responsibilities.

It is not your responsibility to fulfil others’ expectations, needs, and demands. Codependency is unhealthy for both partners.

Encourage Personal Power, Not Helplessness.

If you are helping someone, don’t put more work into solving their problem than they put into resolving their issues. It teaches them to depend on others instead of using their power to work on themselves. Instead of encouraging others’ helplessness, we must hold each other accountable for personal responsibility so everyone will thrive.

Focus on Positives.

We need to focus on positives, practice mindful awareness, and find resiliency. Make time for activities you enjoy. Savour the moment. Take time to taste your food. Let people know you appreciate them, and communicate what’s going well in your life.

Be Gentle.
In general, we are exhausted from the pandemic: mentally, physically, and emotionally. Exhaustion is a normal reaction to tumult, ongoing stress, and uncertainty. People are more tense and reactive. We are missing some of our usual feelings of comfort, fun, and security. Expect people to be more reactive. Many conflicts aren’t personal, people are reacting to situations that have nothing to do with the here and now.

Pause.

Take a moment to observe your breath and feel your surroundings. You don’t have to say anything right now. You can stop to take deep breaths in and out. When we communicate digitally and over the phone, we don’t allow enough pauses for natural lulls in conversation. Short gaps convince many people the technical connection is broken, but in reality, that’s what we need sometimes.

Ask Before Sharing.
Just like we are communicating more before sharing space with each other, we need to communicate our intention and request before venting to a friend. Everyone is going through a lot right now, but it is not a healthy time for everyone to vent back and forth. We need to seek other ways to release stress and burn off steam. We are likely missing many of the ways we relieved stress before the pandemic. It is important to find activities to destress.

Laughter Speaks Louder than Words.

Perhaps what we most need to communicate right now is laughter. We need to let go of our worries. Have fun together, regardless of how we are experiencing togetherness. When things feel too serious, maybe it’s time to stream a comedy instead of a documentary. Let’s joke and look for the humour in our lives.

Build Your Strength

Take note of the ways you interact with different people in your life. How do you feel after spending time with them? What brings you closer together? What would you like to work on together to improve your connection? What do you appreciate about your relationship?

www.ChristineHarrisTherapy.com Let’s connect!